Cousin Pam To Make A Sitcom

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I got some fairly interesting news today from my sister. Seems that the popularity of Team America has helped my cousin Pam. Like I mentioned before, she was a long time friend of Matt Stone and Trey Parker, working on South Park - and did some incidential writing on other semi famous sitcoms and "Mr. Wong" on - now she and another writer got the green light to write their own sitcom.

I got this story from, which detalls a "The comedy looks at a young man who becomes the first of his friends to get a job out of college and has to deal with his desire to hold down work, but also to slack with his buddies."

I think maybe Pam needs to come visit her cousin for a few days and she can easily find about 10 years worth of material.

A few things that I would help Pam with "fleshing her character out":

1. Having a penchant for technology which transcends reason, much like the same penchant that women have for Manolo Blahnik shoes.

2. An irrational fear of losing internet access...waking up in a cold sweat at nights to think that one horrible day the internet will be banned at work and you will actually have to I wonder what people did BEFORE the internet at work all day. What the hell did other 30-something hyper-active manchilds do from 9am to 6pm?

3. Making sure her character has an over-extensive imagination that is so vivid that he thinks of some great writing/sitcom material on the subway to work....and then promptly forgets to write it down when he gets home. Must have imagery related, but not limited to the following scenarios: Rock star; Movie star; war hero; mildmannered office worker who stops terrorists on their next doomsday attack because he played a lot of first person shooters; Lottery winner (I know my press conference would start with "Ladies of New York, meet your most eligible bachelor..." or "Someone call Paris Hilton immediately..."; sudden mutant transformation that turns me into a Super Hero (one condition is that I must be able to fly and my character must be ninja-like).

4. Must know a lot of movie quotes, one liners and put downs. He should have some likeable friends and some evil friends. Ones that make comments about mean people like: "It looked like their face was set on fire and someone beat it out with a rake." If someone pisses you off, don't get angry - get even. Oh, here is a oldie but goodie: If you see, say, an unusually tall girl - don't make fun of her height, that's too easy, make fun of their feet. Describe that you never seen flippers on a human before or if she goes shopping for shoes at the scuba shop. It will certainly set her back about $10,000 in therapy bills.

5. If she were smart, like me, she would realize how quickly friends come and go in shallow metro areas like New York. Every season the main character should make a BFF (Best Friend Forever), someone that they really click with for about a year and then something usually happens that stops the friendship: a) BFF gets married or a "special other" and their social life grinds to a halt. Or I should say their "single social life" grinds to a halt. Goodbye Alcohol, Hello Fondue!; b) BFF gets a new job and moves to a new city - this happens a lot, and you do the whole "lets stay in touch" bullshit. Yea, that lasts about 3 months. Until you realize that the majority of your common interests centered around getting drunk together; c) BFF and you get into a minor squabble (either fueled by women or alcohol or both), the rumor mongers of the town have a field day with the squabble and eventually you stop talking to each other because of all the "behind your back" stories you heard about said person and their friends; d) The BFF honeymoon ends and reality sets in. In a future post I will detail some of the BFF meltdowns that I have witnessed over the years, but suffice to say that the first year of getting to know someone is the best year, and then the cracks in the armor show up - and the inevitable meltdown occurs with about half of them. You see, you didn't know your BFF when they were in college and were sleeping with the entire football team or you didn't know that the BFF had a very serious coke habit or you didn't know that the BFF was really that extremely stupid when they got drunk until they decided to go to Las Vegas with you on a 3 day bender.

Oh, the stories that I could tell Pam about 20-something slackers. Or she could just keep reading this site for my future posts which may contain those golden nuggets of information for her. Just make one character named "Furey", Pammy, and we will be all square. Actually, fuck that - fly my ass out to L.A. and let me get up on some coked up starlets for my reward, dammit!

Now for the disclaimer. I know my family reads this and is about to start thinking about sending up a team of psychotherapists to assist me in the reconstruction of my psyche. Please stop. This post was meant in good humor and I really didn't mean most of what I said. Everything that offended you I didn't mean to say. I am not sure where it came from, and lets all just laugh about it on the standard intervals that we meet - namely; "'Christmas', 'Easter', 'Thanksgiving' and 'The one birthday party one of my sisters' throws in October where I am forced to bring presents and trinkets for all of my nieces and nephews lest I be a terrible Uncle'." All right, I was kidding about Easter.

1 Comment

Don't worry little brother...we won't be sending you off to any sessions with Dr. Phil...

Siete un buon fratello e molto divertenti!

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This page contains a single entry by Furey published on October 31, 2004 11:11 AM.

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