Ms. Sandman, bring me a dream...

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So I have this problem.

It's called "sleeping".

I'm a walking sleep disorder. I do everything possible to mess up my sleep cycle, and its starting to annoy me. Lets go over a typical week:

  • Monday: Groggy from Sunday I get up for work at 7am. Well, I should say that I set the alarm at 7am, walk across the room. Turn it off. Reset the alarm for 7:30, walk back to my bed and get 30 more minutes of sleep. I usually get to bed around 11pm - which is typically the end of the second quarter of Monday Night Football. WTF is this?! Who cares about the Left Coast, get these games on at 8pm!
  • Tuesday: I have a frigging meeting to attend at 7:30am at work, so i'm up at 6am. I'm a miserable morning person. I don't wake up until I get coffee. I speak in grunts and drag my knuckles on the ground like a Giants fan. Good news about Tuesday is that i'm out of work by 4:30pm - which may sound nice but I get home and try to take a "nap" which turns into a "4 hour nap". I will wake up at 10pm and watch tv until 3am, go back to sleep at 3am and wake up at...
  • Wednesday: ...i'm up at 7am again, and do my alarm clock routine. I feel like crap and snore on the PATH train into 33rd street - even when im standing up. My body is screaming for sleep at work, I fall asleep during meetings. I force myself to not take a nap and stay awake until 11pm.
  • Thursday: Ok, much better morning. Its 7am, I do my alarm clock routine and by 7:30 i'm feelin' pretty good.
  • Friday: Dear Lord, why did I drink last night?! My clothes are still on and my tongue is fuzzy. Need water. Need sleep. I don't want to go to work and crankily get in the shower. Ever seen a grown man throw a min-tantrum when he thinks he isn't being watched? Not pretty. Of course you get a nice second wind once you leave the office and suddenly you aren't tired again!
  • Saturday: Oh glorious sleep. I love thee. Oh sleepy time. I usually wake up around noon, maybe 1pm. Lie in bed with the covers up to my nose and watch TV in the haze of a down comforter warm-filled bed. I think this Serta mattress has tryptofan injectors. So sleepy. You understand how Sinatra and the rat pack used to wake up around 5pm, take a shower and get ready for the next night - cause I have done this a few Saturdays myself.
  • Sunday: Football time! No matter how tired you are - its like a mini-Christmas day each Sunday for us Eagle fans. Of course I got COAL last week, from Pittsburgh! But who cares, next week is another day of glorious football and beer. I feel so rested I could stay up all night...oh who cares about work the next day, I feel fine right now, I will feel fine tomorrow...

    ...and the cycle starts again. Wash, rinse, repeat.

  • Its bad. Really bad. I a few years ago I used to bring a beach towel to my office during the summer, walk to Central Park, lay out the beach towel and fall asleep. Other people would be there, sunning themselves or playing frisbee on the grass. My office was very casual and I could wear jeans & a polo shirt - so I wasn't very out of place.

    During the winter I used to walk to the bookstore, find a secluded corner of the store grab a random book and fall asleep. They never bothered me but I sort of felt self conscious being the homeless white man. So I made sure to choose sections of the book store that were ironic. Like "Self Help" and pass out there. If I chose the "Christian Reading" section I would get those whiney do-gooders trying to help me.

    Christian: "What's wrong, son. Can I help you."
    Me (barely registering): "Please go away....zzzzzzzz...."
    Christian: "Am I not my brother's keeper?"
    Me (wondering if I imagined that): "Zzzzzzzzzzzzz..."
    Christian (arm on shoulder): "The Lord provideth and I giveth."
    Me (walking up irritated): "DUDE! SERIOUSLY!"
    [walking away] Christian: "God bless your heathen soul."
    Me: "Bite me, altar boy."

    I'm kidding, that didn't happen. But I am grumpy when someone tries to wake me up. Christians you have been warned.

    I know I don't have it that bad. One of my friends (C$) works a full time job plus bartends nights about 4 days a week. The man is a working machine. I couldn't do it. There are some people out there who can work on 4 hours of sleep. Not me. No way. I am one of those types that needs 9 hours of sleep minimum. This was the same way growing up. Even as a kid I would sleep all the time.

    I used to think I was Narcoleptic, until I changed my diet.

    Things have gotten somewhat better now that i'm not eating as much junk food as I used to. Plus, it also helps that i'm also not drinking as much as I used to. I still have some trouble sleeping, but its not like it used to be.

    1 Comment

    this article reminds me so much of myself. i envy those people who can work on 4 hours of sleep - i'm not one of them. even 7 and a half doesn't cut it!
    anyway i just started reading philly2hoboken yesterday, saw it mentioned on hoboken411. you're a great writer. they should add someone like you to the staff of realhoboken.com. that site needs some help.

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    This page contains a single entry by Furey published on November 9, 2004 3:35 PM.

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