Top 5 Diamond Commercials I'd Like To See

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This was meant for Monday, but I was busy!!

After Halloween all the new holiday commercials start. Is it me or is every other commercial a diamond commercial?

Kay Jewelers has: "Every kiss begins with Kay!"
DeBeers advertises: "Diamonds are forever."
Zales "The Diamond Store" exclaims: "Buy a Zales diamonds and you will get laid."

Fine. Zales doesn't REALLY advertise that, but come on isn't that what all these commercials are really saying? They are simply eluding to what the rest of our shallow and materialistic country already knows - you don't express love through actions but on how many gifts you shower your special other with.

With that in mind, these would be the commercials that I would promote for the next series of diamonds ads that we are getting slammed with ad nauseum during the holiday season.

5. Of course the most simple commerical is one that just uses simple imagery. Show a beautiful woman. Show a diamond ring. Show a beautiful woman with some balding old man and a diamond ring. Fade to black. A simple one liner: "Isn't two months salary worth her enjoying your family jewels?"

4. Showing a guy in an arguement with a girl after he gives her a sweater. He is walking out of the house and she throws the sweater at him and is shouting. The guy has his hands in his pockets and is walking down an isolated road with a bridge, with leaves swirling around him until he throws himself off the bridge into the cold, swirling water. A tag line appears...: "Don't be a cheap bastard, give her a diamond you fucking retard." then afterwards the chorus sings: "Every kiss begins with Kay!"

3. A fat man walking with a much younger, very beautiful woman in the middle of Venice. Excusing himself from her as he throws up his arms and says: "I! LOVE! THIS! WOMAN!" then turning to his confused mistress and shows her the 3 carat diamond and she wraps her arms around his portly frame whispering, "I love this man. I love you. I love you. Give me more diamonds. I love you. Love you." Then fat boy peels her off his body and shouts: "IM! GETTING! LAID! TONIGHT!" and afterwards a narrator chimes in "We at think that everyone deserves some lovin' - get some tonight with our 3 carat 'I want to get laid' diamond on sale at Zales."

2. I'd like to do crossover ads with Mastercard. Something like:

  • 2 bottles of Cristal champagne and 3 dozen red roses: $550
  • Bedroom at The Four Seasons Presidential Suite: $1,550
  • Diamond necklace & matching earrings...$15,320
  • Avoiding the divorce papers for fucking the babysitter....pricey.

    There's some things that Mastercard can't buy, for nearly losing half your assets there's a De Beers. A diamond is forever... keeping your ass out of court.

    1. The silouette commerical with the shadow of a young couple in the various coupling situations of youth: running through tall grass; holding hands and walking down the beach; the two of them sitting on a couch, him cupping her face, then slowly pushing her head his towards his crotch and showing her the diamond ring, to which she recriprocates with the unzipping of his pants and her head bobbing up and down...the camera pans to her silouetted hand which has a glowing diamond. The narrator chimes in: "Buy her DeBeers diamond ring and the pearl necklaces are on us."

  • 1 Comment

    "Buy her DeBeers diamond ring and the pearl necklaces are on us." -- You kiss your mother with that mouth????

    :) You're right, diamonds are all about buying love. Whoever said you can't buy love was sorely, sorely mistaken (and probably broke).

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    This page contains a single entry by Furey published on November 16, 2004 1:55 PM.

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