Why You Shouldn't Date Alcoholics

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About 2 years ago, I met a girl named Daria. Daria lived in Hoboken, she was a nurse, at a hospital in New York City. I met her through a mutual friend, when I saw her at a bar.

She was very pretty, with bottle blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes, and a great, stunning body. From a superficial standpoint (i.e. hotness) she was real cute. On my Hoboken scale of 1-10 (where we only judge the quality of Hoboken girls, not the world) - i'd give her an 8 on looks alone.

We got to chatting that first night. It was breezy, fun and mirthfilled conversation. She told me about herself, her nursing stories, and light coversation while she sipped on her dirty martini.

The hours passed, and at closing time - I asked the dreaded question of every man (and yes, you women, too): "Can I have your number?"

Fortunately all the signals leading up to that question were looking good a few key signs at I like:

1) Any girl that touches you while she talks. She touched my arm a few times - good sign.
2) Sitting towards you, in your direction as you coverse. Shows that she is being inviting.
3) Mentions that she had breast reduction surgery because her breasts were "too big" and they are "perfect now" - another good sign.

Yes, the flags were green on the racetrack and the getting of the number was easy. I wish the rest of the story was simple.

So we did the normal Hoboken dating scene thing - I took her out to one of the better restaurants in town, I think it was City Bistro.

We had a few drinks afterwards, and I merely expected a good night kiss and be done with it.

But I got the invite up stairs.

Now any guy can tell you - we are 99% dogs. Does any guy you know say, "An invite upstairs? Oh, no, sorry - not on the first date."

Hell, yes, I will come upstairs!

The night passed, and we, um, sorted her rosary cards. Yep. That's it.

The next few weeks drifted by and I start to notice an interesting trend with my new interest.

1) She likes to mention how she is bisexual. Cha-ching!
2) She also has a tendancy to completely black out after 3 dirty martinis.

When I say "black out" there is nothing that she remembers from the night before. You basically had to tell her what happened, and what she did.

This was good...and bad.

Ok, bad - yes, this is the first signs of alcoholism.

But the good is, for a guy like me, is that my material is funny over and over again because she was never remembering what I said. I could retell the same joke 5 times and get the same laugh out of it. This was little work on my part to remain funny and interesting.

Now, like any guy will tell you - when you are 'gettin some', you sort of will look past those "big red flags" that come up that sort of spell out that the girl has issues. I was just looking for a fun, summer breezy romance, not Mrs. Furey.

Fortunately I found out sooner, rather than later, why its not a good idea to date an alcoholic.

I was bartending at the time and it was St. Patrick's Day in Hoboken, and I got to work the night shift when everyone was plastered from 8 hours of drinking since noon. You know how you don't like to be around your friends when you are that one sober guy driving everyone home. Ok, now magnify that by 13 - because i'm behind the bar listening to every single complaint/rant/utterances from those slobs while i'm stone cold sober.

The night passes, and my regulars are in the corner dancing to Black 47 (may they all burn in hell for making the song "Funky Céilí") and it was the twelveth time I listened to that song, right after hearing "Jump Around" too many times.

In walked Daria. Who, upon first sight, is completely plastered. She leans across the bar gives me a kiss and orders a dirty martini. I serve her a water, and keep serving the throng of customers. The bar at this time is only half-full, but i'm still kind of busy.

About 15 minutes later, Daria calls me over and tells me that two customers are bothering her. I call my friend Tom over from the group of regulars, tell him to watch her for me, he knows that I was dating her and I figured since he was a friend, he would keep an eye on her.

About an hour later - Daria is ready to go home, drunk and tired and Tom was going to walk her home, "To make sure she got home safe."

Of course I forgot the golden rule. Never have a guy watch over your alcoholic girl.

The next day, it was Sunday. I'm tired and at the bar again, this time with the regulars and watching some college basketball. A female bartender pulls me aside, and says "We need to talk."

I go outside and the bartender tells me that her friends were at the bar last night and that Daria started hitting on them.

The best part? My bartender's friends - married.

Daria? Hitting on both and saying she wanted a three-way.

Now, for the record, this bartender was a very good friend of mine (I still consider her a friend, we just don't see each other as much anymore). I know that there is no chance she is being deceptive here, but I also do know that this is second-hand information. Remember what I posted about rumors in this town.

But, I kind of started to think about it a bit - and Daria did talk a lot about her interest in girls plus she really could get horny when she drank.

I was fairly embarassed when I heard this, because in some ways - her actions were like a reflection upon myself. The girl i'm seeing - she is hitting on a young married couple. Who does that? I wasn't ready to be "one of those people" who hits on the married scene!

Anyhow. After hearing this story, and a few other comments about how drunk Daria was last night, I really was waiting for HER to call me, so I could hear about what happened.

Funny thing was. She never called me.

I held my ground and days passed. No phone call. Nothing.

Ok. I kind of got confused, and we were in that wierd middle stage of dating. We went out on enough dates to know that we were interested in each other - but certainly not enough that we were some exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend. So, I really just made decision not to call her back.

About 3 weeks passed and I had to get some closure here. I was extremely confused why she didn't even call once. I figured that after 3 weeks - I just have to hear what she has to say about the story.

From the beginning of the call she sounds very tenative and cautious. I begin with a lead in question about "that night" and she comes back with "What did you hear?"

So I tell her what was told to me.

She starts to laugh. "Me? Hit on a married couple? Please! No way!"

She also asks "Did I hear anything else..."

I say, "No" - explained that was the only story I heard.

Maybe it was a big misunderstanding. Maybe I didn't fully know what was going on...I mean the info was second-hand, maybe someone saw Daria talking to her boyfriend, freaked out and made up a lie about her.

We ended the phone call cool with each other, and we were going to see each other again.

That night I had to bartend, and she stopped in. I got to talking to her, and Tom was talking to her a bit, when I was away from them both. I never thought anything of it.

Later that night, I walked Daria home, and she stops me. She says, "I have to tell you something."

Ok. What?

"Now, I want to start by saying that NOTHING HAPPENED. If you talk to Tom he will lie to you."

Wait? What? I don't understand.

"That night, a few weeks ago? Tom walked me home, but he kissed me."

He kissed you? On the street?

"Well, no. He was in my apartment. All we did was kiss."

Tom? Tom is a friend of mine, what the hell? What kind of friend would do that?

"He is going to tell you lies and say that we had sex. We didn't have sex. He told me that I should stop seeing you or that he would tell you that we had sex."

Ok. Right. So now, not only does she claim that night she never hit on a married couple. She also is claiming, very defensively, that she didn't have sex with Tom.

I dropped Daria off at her her house and my head was spinning.

I see Tom the next day, and bluntly ask, "Daria is telling me that you two hooked up."

Tom goes, "Yea, I fucked her." and starts laughing - without any hint of regret or shame.

I go, "Dude, I was dating her - you knew this."

Tom shrugged his shoulders and says, "Sorry man. I got drunk and she invited me up to her place. It happened."

I say, "She says you two just kissed."

Tom goes, "Nah. I saw her last night and told her that she better tell you the truth or I was going to tell you. After we had sex, I told her that she had to stop seeing you - she can't be cheating on you and dating you."

GEE THANKS TOM. I was livid. Tom, a guy who I trusted fairly well - does this. Wow. On top of it, he never tells me he did it until I confronted him. Double wow.

I never called Daria back, I believed Tom's story over hers. I also believe that being involved with her was a bad idea, because more shit like that would happen. About a month later she moved into NYC, on the upper east side, to terrorize more guys over there.

Learn from my mistake. Don't date alcoholics. Plus don't let your guy friends watch over your alcoholic girlfriends - because we are all dogs.

I still kind of wonder what *did* happen to her. I can't imagine that she could have kept drinking like that. And for the record - breast reduction surgery did NOT make her breasts "perfect". :)

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This page contains a single entry by Furey published on December 30, 2004 12:31 PM.

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