Story Of My Life

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High school seemed like such a blur,
I didn't have much interest in sports or school elections.
And in class I dreamed all day, 'bout a rock 'n' roll weekend.

And the girl in the front of the room,
So close yet so far y'know she never seemed to notice,
That this silly school-boy crush wasn't just pretend.

Life goes by so fast, you only want to do what you think is right.
Close your eyes and then it's past - story of my life.

The story of my life, when it comes to relationships, is a simple one - i'm Lloyd Dobler, Duckie and Farmer Ted rolled into one. I'm the guy that girls love to have as a friend, i'm the king of making friendgirls.

No, not girlfriends. Friendgirls. They want to be friends with me.

It happens one way or the other. Either I meet a fugly but fun girl that LOVES me and I really am not that interested in. Or, I meet the great girl and they always think i'm funny, smart, interesting, but don't want to date me. They either have a boyfriend (and yet, still want me as the friendboy), or they are single and are giving out no vibes other than "lets be pals".

What gets old fast is the sage like advice I get from my coupled friends. Telling me a trillion different ways that I should be meeting girls. Advising me how I should act, not act, say, not say. I have very nice girl friends and they all tell me the same, "I don't understand why you don't have a girlfriend..."

I'm sure there are the haters out there that can list their reasons. Furey is too egotistical. Furey is too arrogant. Furey thinks he is better than you. I try to explain to people how I think, and the way I act and it seems to fall on deaf ears. For example, I have some qualities of an introvert: I enjoy being alone, sometimes. This isn't to say I don't like the company of others, I love going out with people all the time. But I also enjoy my freedom and alone time. Many ex-girlfriends didn't understand this, and one said, "You should want to be around me all the time!". Maybe one day she will understand it wasn't 'Furey just isn't that into you' and it really is 'Furey just wants some time by himself'.

I don't date for fun. Some people had a knack for it. My pal in college, Brian T, he was just a dating machine. Great personality that I could never have, and with good looks to boot. He dated some average girls, some cute girls and in Hoboken met some great girls. Married one and has done the Hoboken Shuffle by moving into the 'burbs.

But that isn't me. I'm not that dating kind of guy. I don't date for fun. Sure, I like to meet women, make friends, and if there is an attraction - then i'd ask them out. I'm not the kind of guy. I'm not the blind date kind of guy. I'm not the meat market kind of guy. I'm not the guy you will meet at Madison's on Martini night.

I'm the guy who likes long conversations about the finer points of lighting your pants on fire or bar etiquette. I can wax poetic about Personal Ad Mistakes for Women to telling everyone my loyal friend. I'm the one is fascinated with finding a good cheesesteak to the love I have for port wine. I'm just a person of such varied interests and deep conversation topics, that i'd like to just meet someone to share it with other than...a friend.

I find human psychology fascinating. I have read so many books about how to make people like you, how to make people fall in love with you, how to be a player, how to be a gentleman, and the works of Dr. Grey. I'm fascinated by astrology, but don't put much faith in it. But I do see certain qualities about the Aquarius that embody my soul. I learned and glean a bit more every year, and simply realize that we are all different people, with different wants and desires. You can't really categorize people, there is going to be someone out there for everyone.

What I do wrong, in my humble opinion, is that I don't put myself out there. I don't go to Madison's on a Tuesday or go out in the city to fun bars. I stay in Hoboken, really only go out at one or two local pubs and every once in a while get out to different bars. I just like my friends, and a fun Friday night, to me, is about sharing a beer with friends and shooting some darts rather than going to a loud club surrounded by chickenheaded guidos in Man Suits.

This isn't a cry for help. This isn't my way of feeling bad and expecting to get pats on the back from his friends. This is really about who I am - an observer of life. I could write funny stories or my Hoboken adventures, but just today I was talking to a friend about how she said I want a fantasy girl.

I asked her, ok, what do you think i'm looking for?

She said, via email, "Athletic, tall, over 26, good job, not needy, has own life, own friends, isn't looking to get married in 5 mins, close to family, sense of humor, like sports, can hang in a bar on sundays for the eagles....etc etc"

My reply to her was..."Ok, now of all those qualities you are not tall & don't like how is this a 'fantasy woman'? I think i'm being fairly reasonable in what i'm looking for. Plus, you have to remember that those aren't dealbreakers. If I met everything above and she was 5'4, I wouldn't just disregard her. Those are "wants" not "musts"."

It always seems that I fall into the same hole. I meet someone great, they don't like me other than being a friend and I have my crush on them. I don't want to drive them from my life, so I play the role of a friend, all the whole I quietly hope that they fall for me.

It never works. Always the same thing happens. We do everything that a boyfriend and girlfriend would do - but without intimacy of a relationship. I keep it going on the shred of hope that something will come out of it. That one day it will be out of a movie and she realizes that her knight in shining armor is the guy standing next to her.

That never happens. Normally i'm the guy who either watches her date wrong guy after wrong guy - while listening to her grieve and offering her my ear & advice. Or, she meets Mr. Excellent, and then dates Mr. Excellent and still keeps me as a friend, telling me about their excellent lives. This keeps up until they get married and then they disappear into obscurity.

Bitter, much?

Not really. It is just the way it is. I think that when people talk about meeting someone when they are single, the cynics say, "Oh, aren't you just desperate!".

I think desperation is when you settle for second best.

The Story Of My Life. Man, it gets old quick when I just keep meeting these great girls and they just want to be my friend.


Dating isn't fun for anyone, but it's a necessary evil--just like interviewing for a job. If you need a job, you gotta go through the process, it's the same thing. I say you need to switch a few things up:
#1) STOP going for girls who are out of your league. You're a guy, so I can be direct (my girlfriends would hate me for being so blunt). It's just a fact--if the same 'type' of girl is wanting to "just be friends" over and over, you need to be realistic and know that that kind of girl wants some other kind of guy (and she might even be shallow as a result which is another reason to stay away). If for some reason she did have a change of heart and wanted to date you (like the movies as you say), it would mean she is settling, and who wants that?
2) You're RIGHT, you have created a very small world for yourself to meet someone in (by going to the same local bars, refusing to check out internet dating, and living in Hoboken...sorry, but it's a pretty small town). Putting yourself out there is key after 30 (if single)..b/c after 30 the loud bars are just annoying and a bore. This is especially true b/c like most of life, meeting someone is a small percentage of fate, and a large percentage of CHOICE (where you choose to meet people/who you choose to get to know better).

And lastly, be thankful you are a guy, because it is MUCH easier for you. (this is just stats, not bitterness speaking ;)). There are PLENTY of girls out there just as you described. My guess is once you ask the sweet quiet girl out instead of the cutest princess, you might be completely surprised!

I agree more with comment #2 than #1. I personally don't think i'm approaching anyone who is outside of 'my league'. I learned that lesson! ;)

furey!!! It is not that hard to meet someone. You should put yourself out there more-- you might get surprised. Just don't end up in a spiral of we are one again we are off again-- like me!!! We are one again btw- till the next blow up! uggg-- jets fans.

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This page contains a single entry by Furey published on October 12, 2005 12:20 AM.

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