Levels of Men in Hoboken

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I was reading this thread on Hobokenchat, and it got me to thinking of the different levels of Men around Hoboken. I'm a product of my upbringing - LaSalle High School was a preppy school and Villanova was J. Crew's wet dream. I would guess i'm a Level 4 guy.

Level 1: This is your basic man who drinks only domestic beer, eats any meat from a 4 legged animal or has fins and thinks "carbs" refers to engines. Dresses in flannel and has 1 pair of jeans. Likes to hunt & fish. Has a scraggly beard. Uses motor oil as a cologne. Thinks all cats should die. Dog choices would be mutt or pit bull to protect his junkyard.

Level 2: A bit of a step up. Thinks wearing Professional Sports Team outerwear is fashionable. Sweatpants are what he wears around the house. Owns a sportcoat and 3 ties, one of those ties has beer cans or fish hooks on it. Has one bottle of cologne from 1987 which is 90% full, and he wears it on special occasions like NASCAR opening day. Owns a car outside his house that sits on cinder blocks and is his "weekend project". Has a subscription to Penthouse. Thinks mullets should make a comeback. Saving for a 401K is for wussies - Saving for Hockey season tickets are for men. Likes manly dogs like Rottweilers, German Sheppards and Dobermans.

Level 3: "The Regular Joe". Likes any form of beer, will even drink lite beer if it tastes good. Loves shots. Spends money on 3 things: His car, his good weed and porn. Likes cigars. Thinks white socks can be worn with anything. "Grooming" to him is going to the barber shop, never spending more than $20 on a haircut. Reads the sports section first of the paper. Doesn't understand why people go to the gym - "You are gonna die, too you healthy bastards!", he would think. Only subscribes to Sports Illustrated, Maxim and/or Playboy. His girlfriend or mom gets him nice clothes and the rest he just gets at a American Eagle store. When he turns his TV on or off, it is set on ESPN. Likes dogs you can "do stuff with" like retrievers or beagles or hound dogs.

Level 4: Joe Prep. The next level from the regular Joe is normally the guy who just happens to have more money to spend. He likes his Abercrombie & Fitch. Would be the kind of guy to shop with girls. Only drinks Amstel Lite or Stella Artois, along with mixed drinks. Wears whatever GQ says to wear as fashion of the moment. Bought a Trucker cap 2 years ago. Has used a razor on other parts of his body besides his face. Will drink wine, as long as it is expensive. Fairly lazy about clothes, but has a nice enough selection that anything he wears looks fairly decent. Uses one bar of soap for his body & face. Would be the kind of guy to buy Ralph Lauren Paint. Likes expensive big dogs, like Ridgebacks, Burmese Mountain Dogs or Boxers.

Level 5: The confused Pretty Boy. He doesn't need to bring a girl with him to shop. Refuses to shop at Target or Wal-Mart. Works out at the gym 5 days a week to get killer abs and arms. Has a stylist. Coordinates clothing to what his date is wearing or the event he is attending. Shops at Barney's and Hugo Boss every other week. Will get a monthly pedicure. Snorts a lot of coke. Has three seperate soaps - one for body, one for face, one for crotch. He drinks mixed drinks, Red Bull and Vodka or imported wine. Will get his back & chest waxed. Occasionaly drinks imported beer that no one ever heard of. Gets designer cute dogs like Puggles, Pugs, French Bulldogs or Boston Terriers.

Level 6: The True Metrosexual. Gets his eyebrows threaded. Gets a manicure every other week. Is a slave to fashion and trends. Makes fun of girls (or guys!) who wear knock off designer clothes or bags. Watches Will & Grace. Has a variety of grooming products for his skin, costing hundreds of dollars. Got a $250 faux mowhawk "creation" from Bumble & Bumble. Goes to the gym to see his "friends". Drinks only champagne or mixed drinks with premium alcohol, never beer. Only goes to the hottest clubs, it doesn't matter gay or straight. Likes wearing tight shirts to show off his arms. Has a subscription to Details. Would get a dog like a Teacup Schnauzer or Italian Greyhound.

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This page contains a single entry by Furey published on April 27, 2006 12:15 AM.

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