Falling In Like

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Over my years of dating and 'minor relationships' I haven't fallen in love before, but I have "Fallen In Like", where I very much enjoy the other person's company and get early feelings for them.

I really don't write about my past or current relationships too much on the blog for various reasons. For one, I really haven't been in any relationship before that lasted more than three months. My high school years, like I wrote before, was like living in the Sahara looking for water when it came to women. College I made plenty of girl friends - a hook up here and there - and a one month fling with a straw haired freshman from England when I was a senior.

Next it was destination Hoboken. My super status of a senior and fun with the underclasses reset to being a nobody from nowhere with no money. The newly graduated senior class women dating the seasoned veteran male population of Hoboken and New York, while I toiled in obscurity and perseverance. Years pass. I met a girl playing in the Hoboken dart league. We had fun but were from different worlds. Me, from the suburbs of Philadelphia, and her, from the streets of North Bergen. Good wavelength, fun vibe, but it was doomed to various external factors, not excluding her baggage from a previous relationship and my inexperience in being in one. She broke up with me over the phone. What a chickenshit move.

More years tick away, with more dates, new girl friends, new best friends forever. No one clicking until I meet a very special one. The timing wasn't right our first go-around but so much was there. Nearly everything. But it wasn't enough. The chemistry wasn't right. The trust was lost. We tried a second go-around two years later. The foundation was cracked, my selfishness was in high gear and I was more pleasing my own needs than hers - she had to let me go. Broke up with me while I was at my lowest point in years. My bones and my heart had to recover at the same time.

Cut to a year later. My leg is getting stronger. My heart healed. My priorities evolving. Self confidence growing. I always felt like the gawky 16 year old, that doesn't change. Maybe its good it doesn't change because she may have never noticed me if I was the typical arrogant haughty self-aware Hoboken yuppie. For years I crushed on her, even while I did my second-go with the Special One. New girl was different. Unbelievably different, yet familiar. I wrote about her. Inspired by her.

I try the same chickenshit moves with her that I tried with every other girl I like for the last 34 years. Be careful. Be nice. Be funny. Be friendly. Be chickenshit.

  • "Do you find that this approach usually works, or, let me guess, you've never tried it before. In fact, you don't normally approach girls, am I right? The truth is that you're a quite, sensitive type but if I'm prepared to take a chance I might just get to know the inner you: witty, adventurous, passionate, loving, loyal, a little bit crazy, a little bit bad, but, hey, don't us girls just love that?"

Get called out on it by her. I'm forced to either be bold or go away. I choose the former. It works. Score one for the good guys.

Don't get too excited. Its just a few dates. Can't get too excited it could be over if I start to actually enjoy it. Don't tell anyone, they won't really care. Some will be happy for your gain and others hoping for you to fail, while they wear false smiles and speak poisonous words behind your back.

Keep going. Move forward. Live in the moment. Enjoy the now. Fall in Like again?

Like? Love? At what moment do the lines start to get blurred. At what moment do you start to overthink the situation. At what moment do you start to believe in the literature, the movies, the stage, the heartfelt words you have heard others speak over the years? Less thoughts about you, more thoughts about her. Never once thinking that it didn't feel right. Earning trust and paying it back twofold. The voice of a cynic disappearing. Learning new priorities about yourself. Learning that maybe what you thought what you liked, what your type was, isn't really your type at all.

Falling in Like.

I'm falling in like.

That's what you say because you are protecting yourself, son.

I'm falling in like.

It's only been a month.

I'm falling in like.

Don't get ahead of yourself, boy.

I'm falling in like.

Oh, the posibilities. But she is leaving.

Don't overthink, boy.

August is the deadline. Leaving for school. Why bother even writing it now, when I will just fail again. More heartbreak.

It can't be heartbreak, son, because you only like her, right?

What happens if I stop liking her? What happens if it leads to more and it gets ripped away.

Can't think that way. Just enjoy it. Have fun.



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This page contains a single entry by Furey published on May 22, 2006 12:00 AM.

Moral Compass was the previous entry in this blog.

Top 5 Reasons Why The New Apple Store Sucks is the next entry in this blog.

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