Tupac*

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I eat at Panera Bread about once a week for dinner. I like their multi-grain bread, and i'm trying to eat healthier when I can help it. It seems that 4 out of 5 times I go there they fuck up my order. I swear. I will always get home and open my sandwich and they forget something. Like they forgot lettuce. Or mayo (I know, not healthy, but i'm hoping the multi-graininess offsets the mayo). Also can anyone explain how mustard should be on a tuna sandwich?121406.JPG

I got finished at Club H around 8:30 and walk up Washington. I see Panera and decide to stop in, getting a smoked Turkey Sandwich. Quick segue. If you walk into Panera at anytime at night, look to the right. There is always an older woman sitting there, with glasses. Like every time I walk in there, this woman is sitting there. Sometimes she is with a man. She looks easily 75 years old, if not older. I'm convinced she is like homeless or something, because she is always at Panera. Anyhow.

I pass by the Creepy Old Lady and I'm waiting on line at Panera. An older guy, around 65 or 70, is in front of me and orders his food. He has a full head of white hair, oversized glasses and a button sweater. He also has those "old guy sensible shoes". Like the kind of shoes that are for people who shuffle to the bingo parlor right after "Matlock" is over. When asked for his name by the cashier, he replies, "Al".

Yep, to me, the name fits him. He looks like an "Al". I think about it for a second and then my warped mind decides to have some fun.

I go up and order, slowly, exactly what I want on my turkey sandwich: Swiss. Mayo. Lettuce. Onion. On multi-grain.

For here or to go? To go.

Your name? Tupac.

Now the girl was about all of 16 years old and African American.

She looks up at me with a curious look on her face, her eyes a bit wide as if to say "White boy with the name TUPAC?". While she is looking me over curiously, I don't smile or react - just keep a poker face. She says, "Fo real?". I just nod slowly as if to say: Yes, Tupac. She starts laughing and trying to type "Tupac" on her register, but the laughter overwhelms her and she gives up.

I can't hold back a smile any longer and I start laughing along, and say: "What!? Don't I look like a Tupac!?"

This gets her to laugh even more and i'm the type that once I start laughing with someone over my joke, that I can't stop either. We both get a good laugh out of it and I go to wait by the end of the counter, and i'm in a good mood. I watch the sandwich makers because they look up at the TV screens for the order and call out your name when done.

I want to see the moment that the word "Tupac" registers on the guy making my sandwich.

Oh, it was worth it. The guy is making the sandwich and looking up at the screen from time to time - i'm sure reading off the ingredients of the sandwich, and when done calling out the name of the person who ordered.

Right before he is about to call out my name you can see him just...stop.

He starts to laugh and then taps the other guy next to him pointing at the screen, the other guy starts laughing too and he calls out with a questioning laugh, "Tupac?".

"Right here, dude.", I reply. Both of them laugh even more once they look at me.

I shrug my shoulders and comically reply, "What!? My parents liked rap! It's a 'Thug Life', dog."

I thank them for my sandwich and leave. On the way home i'm trying to think of more names I can use next time I order. I think I will say "Oprah" next. Or maybe "Jesus", but I think the guys there would be like "Hay-Zeus! Your sammich is ready, man!" I have to come up with a good one like Tupac again.

I get home and the motherfuckers forgot my lettuce. Tupac gets no respect.

*For the record it is spelled 2Pac or Tupac

2 Comments

Hilarious..this made me laugh out loud. The other stories were starting to sound a bit Debbie Downer-ish. I think your site needs more of these.

Haha, that is awesome. And I know exactly the lady you mean because I eat there fairly often myself. I saw her coming in one time and she had a beat-up Panera cup with her to use for free refills. Who knew that if your paper cup lasts, you can keep getting refills until the end of time? Anyway, they've never messed up my order, but once when it took particularly long and I wasn't even complaining about it, the woman making my sandwich was so apologetic that she offered to make me a whole extra sandwich, which I had for lunch the next day. I was impressed. Also, I dig their iced green tea. Mmmm.

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This page contains a single entry by Furey published on December 14, 2006 12:00 AM.

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