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February 19, 2008

Put Up Your Dukes!

This year I decided to have a more low-key birthday get together to celebrate my 36th birthday. In years past I have done big parties at Dipper's or bowling at Bowl-Mor and drunken nights in NYC. I really just wanted to have a few drinks with a couple of friends at a local pub this year because with Dipper's closing down it seemed like more of my friends have scattered to their own local pubs. There isn't that "Cheers" kind of bar where everyone knows your name.

All of us always like Moran's, and it's a great Irish pub on 5th and Garden. I decided to go Friday night, Willie was playing guitar, and its always a pleasure to see Kevin behind the bar.

We get there around 9:30, and have a few drinks, laughs and stories to tell. The night was mostly uneventful until a girl friend of mine who we will call "Katie" taps me on the arm and says, "See that tall guy?"

I look over at the bar and there are three guys at the bar. One is short, a bit overweight and wearing a baseball cap with a caramel colored blazer. The second guy is the typical Hoboken guy - short, dark hair and looks like 10,000 other guys. The "tall guy" was very tall. He was at least 6'6, maybe 250 pounds, didn't look very athletic however, dark hair, dark eyes, probably Irish.

"Yea, so?", I reply.

"I was at another bar a few weeks ago and he and I were talkin'. We talked for about an hour, he was drunk, but so was I. Then, out of the blue, guess what he says? 'I bet you give great blowjobs.'"

"Wow, what a dick.", I say.

"Total creep.", she says, "I told him to fuck off, and he starts to apologize saying he was just kidding around. I ditched him after that. I can't believe I see him here again. Watch this."

Katie walks up to the bar, next to the tall guy, and orders another round of drinks. He looks over and immediately starts talking to her. I can't hear what is said, but they talk for about 45 seconds and she walks back to the table with our drinks.

"Well?", I ask.

"He tried to hit on me, again! I told him, 'Don't you remember me?', and he didn't. Then I reminded him about the blowjob story and he remembered. Said he was really drunk and sorry. Whatever.", she replied.

About an hour or two passes, and it is nearing 2 am. The guy with the baseball cap strikes up a conversation with Katie and sits down at our table. I went to the bathroom and come back to find that the tall guy sat at our table, talking. I sit down a bit irritated that this rude guy is at our table, but I guess he figured it was ok to sit down because the baseball cap guy was talking to Katie.

As I sat down there was already a conversation in progress and the tall guy was talking about how he would throw a punch at someone if they called him a bitch. No questions asked, he would punch them. I jump in saying, "I guess you don't like to be disrespected."

"That's right!", he blurts, "Someone calls me a bitch and they get a punch.", he slaps his fist into his open hand while saying it.

"How does it feel to disrespect her, then?", I said gesturing to Katie.

Tall guy, who definitely had a bit to drink, gets upset at me, glaring at me saying, "I told her I was sorry. You got a problem with that?"

"Yea, I do. It was rude.", I replied.

"Then lets step outside if you got a problem with that!", he says with a nasty grin.

Now, dear reader, this is the moment where I will stop, briefly, and explain the situation. I'm at Moran's, and it is 2am. I did have a bit to drink. Most of my friends are gone, with exception of Katie. There's the tall guy, the baseball hat guy and the non-descript Hoboken guy. Tall guy has about 2 inches and probably 20-30 pounds on me, if not more. He just called me out, no different than if someone did it in junior high.

There was a brief flash of fear in my mind, to be honest. I really didn't want to fight. I'm not a fighter, but I have been in scrapes over my years. Then again, I know this guy wasn't one, either. He may have been tall and outweighed me, but my gut instict said he was a pussy with a big mouth that got out of a lot of fights because he was 6'6 and 250 pounds. I mean, i'm 6'3 and 220 pounds and I know I got out of a lot of potentional fights because of my height.

But I wasn't about to back down.

"Fine, lets step outside.", I say back while Katie is trying to dissuade me from fighting him.

Tall guy shouldn't play poker, because his nasty grin turns into an impish one, like he is amused about this but I can instantly tell he didn't expect me to do this.

We walk over to the door, go outside and I tell him, "Ok, dude. Just hit me first. Start the fight, so that you are the one who is goin' to jail, not me."

He hestiates and stands a good 10 feet from me and says, I kid you not, "Put up your dukes."

Put up your dukes? Yea, okee....?

I wait for him to hit me, or even get close and he just stands there. Like I said, this guy wasn't interested in fighting me - it was clear that he didn't even expect me to do this.

"Ok dude, hit me.", I say to him and I point at my chin. In my mind, I just wanted him to start the fight so that I could start punching him without fear of a legal issue - I was just going to defend myself.

Chuck, the other bartender at Moran's, sees us outside and breaks it up saying, "Are you out of your mind? Get inside!"

Now Chuck has about zero tolerance for me, and I try, in my best non-drunk seriousness to explain what's going on but he doesn't even want to hear it. I get back inside and say to him, "Fine, just keep this loser out."

I get back inside and sit at the table with Katie and the baseball cap guy, and they asked what happened. I tell them and the baseball cap guy says, "That's good, because I don't think my buddy has thrown a punch in his life."

I really wasn't interested in fighting, I'm 36 for christ sakes, and way, way, way past the point where I should be getting into fights at a bar. I'm not proud of my actions, and writing this now, i'm a bit embarassed that I nearly got into a fight. But for all of my faults, it doesn't matter if i'm 36 or 76, I will always stand up for myself and my friends.

Posted by Furey at February 19, 2008 12:01 AM

Comments

"Put up your dukes" is VERY gay!

Posted by: mel Author Profile Page at February 20, 2008 12:33 PM

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