FatMuscle and Hat Guy

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January 2006, the Saints were playing the Eagles in the NFC playoffs on a Saturday night, and I watched it with my Eagles club at Mulligan's bar. The bar was packed with Eagles fans, proudly wearing their green and white jerseys. There were other patrons at the bar, some even wearing Saints gear, but the mood was festive and fun.

Well, until we lost.

Everyone was fairly down, and understandably so. It was a very close game, and a tough loss for Eagles fans who saw another season of promise lost, and the window closing on us again.

One of the guys from the bar, part of the Eagles club, urged me to say something. At first I didn't want to say anything, I was fairly pissed. Finally after a few more pleas from him that I should say something to the crowd, I stood up, and hoarsely said a few things about having a good year...glad everyone made it out...better luck next year...etc.

While i'm saying this, two guys (not in Eagles gear) walk out of the bar, and one wearing a Yankees hat passes me, looks at me and says, "Dude, you can shut up - the Eagles lost."

The guy was about 5'10, medium build and I am 6'3, 225 pounds angry Eagles fan who just got insulted at Mulligan's, in front of my friends, after a major playoff loss, and I have been drinking a bit. What do you think is going to happen?

I grab the guys hat and pull it off his head, then stuff it into his chest. I said to him, "Yea? Well, why don't you go fuck yourself?"

Eloquent as always.

The guy wanted no part of this and made that look that guys make when they have nothing quippy to say, and can't sneer very well. It is the way they purse their lips together, look away and make a "spffff" sound as to say, "Whatever".

His buddy is behind him, and he definitely could be a problem. While his Hat Guy walked out of the bar, this guy approached up to me. He's balding, has a tribal tattoo on his arm, and is about 5'8 and easily 215 pounds of fatmuscle. You know "fatmuscle" - he's the typical short armed burly guy that probably was on the football team...10 years ago, but only about 4 years ago in his mind. He's the guy who can bench 300 at the gym, but is built like George "The Animal" Steele - and of course is wearing an Ed Hardy T-shirt.

He watched what happened to his friend, but calmly says to me, "Ya know, my buddy don't like to swap paws, but I like to swap paws."

Seriously. Swap paws he said.

I lean down to him, so I can look him eye to eye.

"Fine. Hit me.", and I point at my chin, giving him a clear shot at throwing a punch.

"Hit me. Just start the fight. Hit me!", I growl at him.

My guess is that this guy was just smart enough to realize that throwing a punch at an Eagles fan in his Westbrook jersey, in the middle of a bar with about 80 other Eagles fans there, would be a very bad idea. Oh, i'm sure if this was a dark alley and it was me and him, that he would have gladly thrown a haymaker.

But he backs down, walks out of the bar and my Eagle friends are all clapping and patting me on the back. We do some shots, laugh about it, and now we....fast forward.

Now it is a few weeks later and i'm at Club H. I'm lifting and just waiting between sets when I see The Hat Guy and FatMuscle from the bar benching together a few seats over.

I couldn't believe it. Yes, Hoboken is a small town. No, I didn't ever remember seeing them from the gym.

I wait for one of them to recognize me, but they never said a word to me. This goes on for two weeks, until finally I have to say something.

FatMuscle was the one I saw the most at the gym, and I say to him while lifting next to the guy - "Do you remember me, from Mulligans?"

He shakes his head, says, "No, why?"

I could have just said nothing, but I was curious. "Well you and I nearly got into a fight."

He laughs and says, "Yea, well that's not surprising to me. When did that almost happen?"

I told him the story, and he shrugs it off, didn't really remember it, said he was drinking a bit that night.

I left it at that - and would stiill see the "hat guy" at the gym. Weeks become months, and I never approached Hat Guy. He's always at the gym, wearing his hat, and chatting up FatMuscle.

Last Thursday i'm at Mulligan's and watching the Phillies. It is the end of the game and Hat Guy walks into the bar with about 6 friends. I'm fairly well buzzed at this point, and finally say something to him with the "Do you remember 2 years ago..."


I keep on telling the story. I try to describe Fatmuscle.

He smiles, and says it wasn't him & said that he didn't know what I was talking about, and laughing at the story. He's saying that if I did pull his hat off, that there would be no chance he would have walked away from me - even going so far to ask his friends, "Guys, what would happen if someone took my hat off my head and stuffed it into my chest??"

They all laughed, like an inside joke - I guess Hat Guy takes his hats seriously.

I felt bad, apologized that I was wrong and also telling him how I would see him at Club H - and for years thought he was the guy from that night. He found this hilarious, and he bought me a beer. We talked a bit more, and turns out that he's a really nice guy, albeit a Giants fan, but he went to Penn State, and we talked a bit about that.

Him and his gang were planning to hit up Green Rock, and I made an Irish Exit, and slipped out of the bar a bit later.

Just another day in my life.

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This page contains a single entry by Furey published on June 16, 2008 12:32 AM.

First Full Weekend At Bradley Beach was the previous entry in this blog.

I Know, I Have Been Lame... is the next entry in this blog.

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