Blogging Is Dead. Long Live The New Facebooking!

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Way back in 1999, when T1 lines were the high speed connection in the office and Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace was coming to theaters, everyone was just getting into the whole blogging thing.

One person started the whole online diary, and then another, and another, until everyone had a blog, from grandma blogging about her dentures or your office mate Phil blogging about his cockroach rodeo. The world became a bit smaller, and the excitement of having a blog eventually wore thin, and nearly 10 years later, i'm here to announce that blogging is dead.

All hail the new blogging - Facebook.

If you aren't on Facebook, well then you are so 1999. Even i'm caught up in this and my creativity has gone downhill. Gone are such entries, like my Sex, Lies and Hoboken or Quirks About Hoboken and replaced by various "status updates" on Facebook.

These "status updates" on Facebook are similar to blogging, but instead of writing entries, everyone just updates their "status" with a sentence or two of what they are thinking, doing or feeling, or "Facebooking".

What I also find interesting is that facebooking has really taken on a whole new world. You rarely will get someone to sit down and write out their thoughts, but now just a blurb about their lives. Often, as is the case, I have found that the majority of comments that I do read are very much intertwined with the relationship status of the Facebook profile. For example:

  1. Single people.
    • The single people actually do things. They get drunk. They go out. They always are up on pop-culture with funny quotes or good stories. I enjoy reading other single people's entries. But, honestly, a lot of single people simply update their status updates because our generation is all about being attention whores. Like any attention whore (hey, i'm one to talk, I still have a blog!), they will drown you in every single update about them. They have a sore throat. They are happy it is sunny. They love 300 count thread pillowcases. They are looking forward to a weekend of A.T.M. with their girlfriend. They can't figure out what to cook this weekend - clam chowder, will it be New England or Manhattan!
  2. Recently engaged or married.
    • Please kill me now. Ok, seriously - congrats. Let me write that again. Congratulations, we are seriously happy for you. Now stop. Stop telling us every update that has what you AND YOUR FIANCE/HUSBAND/WIFE are doing together. It's like somehow your single friends have morphed into a new person, like Brundlefly and every update is about what Brundlefly is eating or Brundlefly is doing or what Brundlefly is watching. We get it. You are engaged or recently married, you want the world to know...often. I'm not the bitter single guy saying this. We are all saying it. Just no one has the balls to say it to your face, they just quietly laugh at the thousands of updates spewing out like "facebookarrhea". Oh my God, please stop. I was about to drop some friends, until I discovered that I could edit facebook comments to get "less updates" from them. Now if I want to read about my friends "being SO IN LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" or "Freddy/Linda and I are having yogurt!" updates every hour on the hour, I can just check in with my madly in love friends which every update is how perfect their lives are.
  3. Married, no kids.
    • These people are much more normal, they were once they "everything is perfect in our lives" engaged couple and have reverted back to the mind set of a single person. They go out, have fun & do things, but more often than not you get an update about once every 3 months about what they are doing in their lives because a) they really don't care about letting the world know about them and b) they really don't care about letting the world know about them. They are married, why do they give a shit about updating Facebook, and are only on here because some single friends talked them into it.
  4. Married, with new kids.
    • Holy. Fucking. Shit. You thought the engaged people were annoying? Get the fuck out. Having people like this on facebook about as bad of an idea of letting Pookie from New Jack City work in the crack house. Your friends? They no longer exist. Whatever you thought was once your friend has been replaced by the homogenized verzion of them. Your college roommate who used to snort coke off of the stripper's tight stomach while getting shit faced drunk on Patron with you has now been replaced by a guy who loves his merino wool sweaters, his $14 barber haircut and snoozing after a good meal on Saturday nights. Your bisexual girl friend, telling you stories about what she & her girlfriends were doing at some bar in Christopher Street is now Molly Homemaker, with her adorable white picket fence house in the suburbs. And for a bonus - you get to read all about his kids! Every update. Kids. Kids. Kids. Think about it. what do you think the percentage of profile pictures of your friends who are married, with kids who have a picture of themselves in Facebook without their kids in the shot. I would say about 10%. Look, I think your kids are adorable, but there has to be something you do that doesn't involve your kids, right? Please? No, Frank, going to Home Depot and buying some wallpaper then going home to pop in that Sisqo CD doesn't count. I know that your whole lives are about your kids now, and you want the WHOLE WORLD to know it! Really?!? No. Really?!? What happened to you?
  5. Married, older kids.
    • Rare, but you have these older facebook fans who are on the website because they have younger family members or nieces and nephews they are active with. Sadly, they rarely write anything interesting for their status updates and are the equivalent of message board lurkers. They just love watching others update their entries and every once in a while may add a supportive comment.
  6. Divorced.
    • Ha. Ha. Caught you. See, divorced people aren't on facebook much. Why? Well remember those newly engaged or married people with their website links to their marriage cam & photos - they are the same people who quietly leave facebook, and never will be announcing that their "happily ever after" has become "happily divorced". I'd pay good money to see a profile update of "I'm getting divorced!", but I don't hold my breath.

O brave new facebook, that hath such people in it?

I have to say that some of my friends do NOT fall into the category that I just listed. You have the still fun married people with kids that break the rules. But if what I just write sounds a bit like you...maybe i'm not that far off the mark with my witty social commentary, am I?

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This page contains a single entry by Furey published on December 10, 2008 12:41 AM.

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