Life: December 2005 Archives

Best of Philly2Hoboken 2005

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Yes, I actually have the gaul to say "Best of" with regards to my scatterbrained attempts around here. So bite me.

Maybe you are a casual reader and didn't get to read my more introspective slop while I was feeling bad for myself with a broken leg. But I had a few good ones in here. This is my recommended reading for the last year...

The Mugging story is always a popular one, my roommate Kristen still uses "Fucking bitch!" from time to time around me.

My Superbowl trip to Jacksonville, even with the loss, made for some interesting blogging.

Firecrackers & Furey are a bad combination.

"The HC" - another week, more drama.

If you read along, you can see how the car crash once again.

This was easily one of my best entries of 2005, especially if you know Brad and me growing up.

Once again, I was in a groove writing for March, probably because I was getting laid once again.

My experiences in Europe, I love to tell these stories.

How I broke my leg, I didn't get to write about how many jokes I got about playing softball & tripping over pitchers mounds. I never tripped, I ran up and jumped off it, like a ramp, people. I'm very co-ordinated and extremely dim sometimes.

My first and hopefully last bar fight.

I really like my short story, its too bad I don't have the chance to continue writing it - Tivo and World of Warcraft have destroyed any chance of free writing time.

I sat on writing this story for a good month before I decided to publish it. 100% true and 100% strange. The Swarm.

The Vegas Story, aka Fellowship of the Bling. Bittersweet, I lost a friend and gained a new one.

If you lived in Hoboken long enough, you have to love my quirks about Hoboken. I got a ton of emails about this one - at least 4!

The Hoboken Relationship Stages was great - come on people I may not be Shakespeare, but this is some good stuff.

The Parade - I know you can't wait until Summer when you can sit outside and watch the Parade begin again!

First time as a kid that I got shitfaced at my Grandparents 50th Wedding anniversary.

I loved my reporting on Fresh Direct, and think that it was fairly well written. I haven't used Fresh Direct in a few months, however. Ever since I broke my leg my interest in cooking has really fallen off. I don't know why.

What is it like to be an outsider in your own home - when two of your roommates start dating each other.

The "Man Suit" was about my second most popular story for the year. Everyone identified with this.

Not the most well written story, but seeing how The Other Half lives in NYC every night makes me jealous that I have to sit in an office all the time.

My brother and sisters appreciated this story about the Atari vs Intellivision, and if anyone knows my Dad - they would, too.

I will be bartending this 2006 New Year with my fellow bartender, and friend, Chris, at the bar. I'm really looking forward to it, it will be the first time I bartended on New Year Eve.

Thanks for all your support and well wishes this year. I look forward to 2006 to be a better year, and I hope one of fun and surprises - which I will happily blog for you.

I read the news today about a black man who was fatally shot by the police because he was a "danger" to them waving a knife. 122705a.jpg This looks about as dangerous as Billy McMullen in the 4th quarter.

I watched the video and it was silly that this guy had to get shot. Haven't we learned ANYTHING from Hollywood?

Get a few of the Planet of the Apes guys down there and net this fool! I'm partially serious - think about it. We arm cops with guns and nightsticks, why not put in every 122705.jpg police cruiser trunk some kind of net? Get two or more officers to wrap up these drug-crazed lunatics or mentally unstable people instead of shooting them.

Or someone comes up with some kind of net-cannon, you shoot it at the guy at a distance of 10 feet. Look, they made it in China.

Atari vs Intellivision

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I think it was 1980, and I was 8 years old.

We were living at our new home in Richboro, with 4 bedrooms, a backyard and every year was better than the last. Christmas was approaching, and this was the first year that I learned there wasn't a Santa.

I was the youngest of four children, and my siblings were tired of the smoke and mirror games. Actually, I think just my brother was the one really tired of it. He was 11 and decided to break the news to me, because he sometimes was a bastard like that. 90% of our childhood was the normal fun stuff and there was a solid 10% of bastard-ass things he did to me that wasn't very big brotherly - just cruel.

So no longer under the guise of thinking that Santa was coming, I knew that my parents were going to get me a gift. Cool. My brother and I really had one gift we really wanted - Intellivision.

Everyone knew about the Atari, but the Intellivision's graphics were so much cooler. We were chomping at the bit to get this system, and made it very clear to our parents we were dying to get this - but, we, of course, had no concept of money.

This one Christmas I woke up early. I remember it was dawn, and maybe 6am. I looked out my window and saw the light and was so excited - IT WAS CHRISTMAS! I couldn't wait to play my Intellivision, and quietly crept downstairs to see the presents.

Each step I took I was sure I would hear my fathers booming voice come from his room, "FUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRREEEEEEEYYYYYYY!"

But nothing came.

I got down the stairs and looked around the living room, and saw presents and gifts all arranged. I tried to discern which one would be the intellivision game, but couldn't. I was so excited I loved the sneakiness of it all at the same time.

I thought: Hee hee hee - i'm up an no one knows it. Hee hee hee. Ooh, look at this present for me. I wonder what it is. Probably a powder blue sweater.

After a bit of snooping, I went back upstairs and into my bed and patiently waited until I heard my parents alarm go off at 7:30am. The kids milled around the upstairs and started our Christmas Routine.

Every Christmas Routine was the same. My father and mother would go downstairs and get the film camera ready. The kids would wait at the top of the stairs and everyone would come running down, so my father could capture the picture of the kids going bonkers over their presents. I haven't watched those films in a long time, I can only imagine the chaos.

After getting downstairs, and tearing open the presents as fast as a human child could - my brother and I never found the Intellivision. We were crushed. Sure, there were games, toys and tinkets strewn for us to play with but we wanted that ONE present so badly.

Until my father said, "I think there is another present in our bedroom."

With delight my brother and I rushed up the stairs, nearly tripping over each other to get into my parents bedroom. There, under their TV was a very large present!

Oh, with glee we ripped open the wrapping paper like wolves on a deer. Then we see:

Atari 2600.

Atari? ATARI? We don't want ATARI. There must be a mistake here, we were specific we wanted INTELLIVISION, not Atari!!!

I don't remember my exact words, but somehow I formed my displeasure as best I could as an 8 year old, whining on Christmas morning to his father, who provided as best he could on his middle-class salary. His response was a classic, at least if you were in my family:

"Fine! You don't want it? I'll take it back and you get NOTHING!"

My mother chided him by saying "Frank!" in her upset voice.

My 8 year old brain, quickly assessed the situation. It was amazing how fast I switched from being an Intellivsion fan into an Atari fan. I embraced that box like I was holding the virgin child himself and expressed my happiness and joy over the Atari.

My father seemed to think that was good and left me alone with my bastard child gaming system, the Atari. I grudingly set the system up, and so began many years of competitive games of my brother and me trying to prove who had the faster reflexes.

I'm not proud of my reaction to this day and I write this because its a recurring memory every Christmas season. I still can remember how unhappy my father was at my reaction to the Atari. I'm sure I came off as an ungrateful son. It was just one of many learning experiences over my life about the fine art of learning to keep my big mouth shut. I'm still working on it, even today.

The Underaged Ones


I'm at the bar on a Saturday night, the crowd is moderate and for whatever reason we don't have a bouncer.

Five girls walk in. I'm terrible with judging ages for girls. They are either, "Younger than me", "Around my age" or "Older than me" in my mind. These girls were all younger than me.

I recognize two of them, one white girl and one black girl, i'm nearly positive that they have drank at the bar before, and I think they are from Stevens. The other three I don't know. I ask for i.d.'s.

The first two that I recognize give me their ids right away, and if you haven't heard - the latest technology with fake ids is pretty good. I can't tell the difference. The ids have proper lamination, holograms and their ages check out - they are 22.

The next one hands me her id and I make small talk with her. While i'm reading the id. I'm remarking on her name and reading her street address, making jokes how I love this part of my job and how she just got her own personal stalker. I hand back her id and she smiles at me laughing at my joke.

My mind thinks: Sure, all bartenders are hilarious when you are the enabler. Everyone wants to be your best friend. I remember how many of my "friends" stopped calling me after I stopped bartending 2 years ago. But that's another story.

Then I get the 4th one who says she doesn't have ID. I tell her that I can't serve her, and i'll be cool and let your friends stay and drink, just don't try to sneak in a beer. Technically we are a bar & restaurant, so we let in people underage all the time as long as if they aren't drinking. I told their group, "None of you try to buy her a beer, or nothin'". They all agree.

I finally have to get the attention of their 5th friend who has been trying to hide behind the black girl. She finally hands me an id. I'm reading it and then i'm thinking: That name sounds familiar...

It was the id from the girl who smiled at me. I look at the picture, and realize that it was the first girls i.d. - even further, the picture on it wasn't the first girl at all! I was so distracted by the smiling girl I completely forgot to look at the picture - it was from the first white girl I checked. They tried to pass their id around on me.

Now I was pissed.

I tried to be nice and let their friend stay who didn't have ID. I also felt like an idiot for not checking the id properly for the smiling girl. So I confront the group and show them.

Everyone plays dumb at first. "What? That is her id! Sure it is!"

Finally after about 1 minute of negotiating over this, I had enough, I threw them all out.

The three girls without id left and the two girls, who drank at the bar before tried to order a drink.

Uh, no.

"Maybe you didn't understand, but you two have to leave, also.", I told them.

"What? Why? We are legal, we have ID!", the black girl snapped back.

"I don't care you are with them, you know they didn't have ID and you let them try to con me with her ID. If a cop came in here and found out that I had underage people drinking here, I will go to jail and get a huge fine. Did you know that?", I asked her.

She shook her head.

I continued, "You can come back another night, but tonight you aren't drinking here."

"Oh, fine, great! Let's go", the black girl sweeps up her handbag and storms out with the other white girl while muttering some other things under her breath.

The regulars are watching this with great amusement. When the final two girls leave, a girl from my Eagles club turns to me and says, "You are too nice with them, Furey. When I used to bartend in college I would have just thrown them out on their ass without a second thought."

The problem with our little bar is that we are a neighborhood pub. We don't get a tremendous amount of business like the other Alpha bars in town like Madisons or Trinity or Lua. You offend one regular and it can cause a ripple effect. That regular tells all his friends how he was disrespected by our bar and goes on a campaign of hatred to stop his friends from going there. Maybe they are successful, maybe they aren't. It can be very annoying when you get a phone call from a regular, "Hey, we would come to the bar but we got Tim with us and he doesn't like coming there anymore..."

You can't make everybody happy.



I'm calling out the turkey movie of the year right now. I just watched the trailer for Annapolis, and annapolis.jpg
could pick out the following movies right off the bat:

  1. An Officer And A Gentleman

    • "I'm not quitting!" replaces "Foley: Mayo I want your D.O.R.! Mayo: No sir. You can kick me out, but I ain't quitting"
    • Plenty of your-blue-collar-and-not-worth-being-an-officer references
    • The angry black instructor vs the angry white do-nothing which was perfected by Louis Gossett Jr. and Richard Gere.
    • Does anyone else see similaraties between the Gere/Franco look? They could be twins.

  2. Top Gun

    • Uh, hello? The bar scene when he first meets Jordana Brewster is blatently stolen from Top Gun with McGillis and Cruise - oops! She is a flight instructor / naval officer goof!
    • The whole tag line of 50,000 apply, only 1,500 are accepted only the best survive is so Top Gun. I bet at the end of the movie James Franco becomes a pilot, taking a call-sign like "Rogue" or "Wildfire", to enhance his edgy broodiness.

But then again, who am I to say if this movie will suck. An Officer And A Gentleman was made in, gasp, 1982! I didn't see it in the theaters, but saw it on Prism as a kid (Come on, Philly faithful, who remembers Prism?). There are plenty of kids out there that will have no idea about how much of this movie has been stolen from past military films.

I'm sure we are going to see it a trillion times this weekend during commercials for Army/Navy. I just wonder if you are an Army officer, who graduated from West Point, how you are going to feel after watching a trailer that says Annapolis is the toughest military academy in the United States? I'd be pretty pissed.

I wonder how many dumbass 18 year olds are going to watch this movie and apply to the Naval Academy. I'm fairly sure that the night before my first tour of Villanova I was watching Top Gun on Prism and somehow I decided it would be a bright idea to join the Naval ROTC program there.

Yep, bright idea. First 8 weeks of school everyone is partying and getting laid, while i'm going to bed at 10pm so I can wake up at 5:30am and do pushups on the wet grass with instructors yelling at me.

"The Place Where Heroes Are Made And Legends Are Born!"

I think I can speak for every family member & in-law of Naval Academy Graduates out there by saying we are going to torch Touchstone Pictures offices for making us suffer through the holiday season with our "Legends" who will undoubtedly be strutting like peacocks around the house for the next 2-3 months. Thanks a lot dickheads.

But then again, we can have just as much fun with it:

"Hey, Mr. Legend, can you pass the potatoes?"

"Hero, your wife just called said you left the house without your testicles."

After they do anything just remark with mock amazement, "WOW. Did they teach THAT at the Naval Academy?!"

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This page is a archive of entries in the Life category from December 2005.

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