Recently in Top 5 Category

If both teams could lose a Superbowl, that would be my wish. I didn't like either team, for different reasons and someone had to win. I'm 10x happier the Giants won than if the Cowboys would have won. Oh. My. God. That would be much more terrible.

I haven't done a Top 5 list in a while, so today is a special Two For Tuesday (except it's Monday) edition of the Top 5. The headline may be confusing to some, but one list will be why it sucks that the Giants won and another list will be why it's great the Pats lost, to me, an avid Eagles fan and hater of just about every New York/New Jersey sports team.

Also, I wrote this with the Giants bandwagon fans (about half of you) in mind. There are a ton of friends I have who are die hard Giants fans (McNally, Chris, Brendan, etc) who deserve it, and have been fans when the Giants sucked (but even like an Eagles fan would gripe when their team stinks). I'm writing more about the NY fans who are the Yankees fans all year and turn into a Giants fan when they win. So spare me the "But i'm a fan!" emails. Even the die hard Giants fans will know i'm right about some of my bitching.

Top 5 Reasons Why It Sucks That The Giants Won the Superbowl:

1. Having to hear all the bandwagon fans, who only 2 months ago were slamming Eli, chant on Newark street "E-LI MAN-NING". Lets do a quick poll, how many of you bandwagon fucks have an Eli Manning jersey? Yea, I didn't think so.

2. There are many New York fans don't deserve it & some that do. Now when I say this, I mean it this way: You guys won, great, congrats, you got it, but I can guarantee you that a Giant fan won't savor it like an Eagles fan would. Lots of people took Monday off for work, because they are hungover, but in Philly people would have taken today off because we would still be at the bar the next day, drinking and celebrating.

3. I lost $200 bucks on the game, betting $50 per game since the Tampa Bay game. It isn't losing $200, it's just the annoyance that I lost it to a team that, to me, wasn't that Super, just peaked at the right time.

4. Now everytime the Eagles face the Giants in the regular season we will be reminded ad nauseum about the Superbowl for at least the next 3 years by the fans & the media. Ever hear the Cowboys fans harp about their Superbowls from 15 years ago? Yea, it's like that.

5. Having to watch Steve Spagnuolo (yes, he was on the Eagles before you, bandwagon fans) use the basic Jimmy Johnson (the Eagles defensive coordinator) defense (blitz, blitz and oh yea, blitz) to get the Giants in a position to win. I won't tip my hat to Eli at all, but I honestly believe the Giants defense & Spags should be the MVP for their season. Good luck next year when Spags jumps ship to become the head coach of the Redskins.

Top 5 Reasons Why It's Great That The Pats Lost The Superbowl:

1. The Golden Child is now a bit tarnished. I hate Brady only because he's like that smug rich jock kid from high school who has everything. Perfect girl, perfect life, etc. It's great to revel in that loss and watch all the Pats fan get denied a perfect season.

2. It's great to now hear for the rest of history about the Patriots who were "almost perfect". Sure, they had a perfect regular season, but couldn't quite get it done...which denies them the title of "best team EVER". Ha ha ha ha.

3. Spygate make me furious, and you really have to wonder - imagine if the Pats didn't get caught? Imagine if they were still taping and had the Giants signals? Think it would have been a different game? Sure. Also now think about it - all those years of cheating do you think that the Patriots may have won some Superbowls and cheated? I bet they did. They didn't look so dominant this year in the post season. Cheaters never win.

4. It's great just because of this observation: The camera shot of Gisele sitting in the luxury box watching the game, and watching in horror as her and the girl next to her sip wine from a crystal wine glass. Come on! This is fucking football and they are drinking wine??? If I were in that luxury box I would have slapped that glass out of her hand on principle alone. Oh yes I would! Ok, maybe not, but you have to agree with me: No wine allowed at a football game! What's next, going to have some sushi at halftime? Let the real fans attend these games, and it's great to watch crap fans like Gisele LOSE. I'm sure she woke up today, and doesn't even care that the Patriots lost the game.

5. I used to cheer on the Patriots, because I subscribed to "the enemy of my enemy is my friend". But I have to hand it to their fans, coach and team for taking a good team, and great franchise and driving everyone away from liking them. The Patriots fans I meet really do fit the term "Massholes". The coach is an arrogant fuck. Did you see Eli greet Brady before the game with a friendly pat on the back, while jogging past and get a cold stare back from Brady? What a fucking dick. If any Patriots fan out there thinks that anyone who really likes football really feels any level of sorrow that the Patriots lost - they are wrong. The only people who like the Patriots are Patriots fans now - or the loser ESPN commentators like Chris "I always pick against the Eagles" Collinsworth.

In the last few weeks, I knew that June 16th weekend was going to be a weekend where I got my first taste of real outdoor camping & backpacking. Last year, I had an experience in "car camping", where we drove to a campground, unloaded our gear, and camped about 20 feet from our vehicles, along with about 60 other people. I wanted to really get outdoors, away from "civilization" and other people for my next trip. Matt told me about Team Hike. A group of guys who hiked various trails for the last 17 years, about 3-4 times a year - even in winter (That's "Team Extreme"). I told him that i'd like to go on his next trip, and it wasn't a problem, the more the merrier was their attitude.

Before the trip began, I started doing my research. If you don't know, I have a tendancy to analyze things (perhaps over analyze, in some regards, like buying a condo...), and I started to read and read and read all sites. I searched on Google for "How to Backpack", "How to prepare for a Hike", "What to bring backpacking for a weekend". Stuff like that. The basic stuff like "Tent", "Backpack", "Boots", "Water", "Sleeping bag" were all coming up, but I didn't want to be caught unprepared out there. I made a list, shared it with Matt, and he told me what he thought. I kept reading over and over how weekend backpackers always overpack, and I tried to whittle down my list of gear to little as possible.

Packing wasn't too bad, but I did run into a snag. My sleeping bag was a regular sized bag. It wasn't a compact one, and I kept telling Matt over email that my backpack must be too small, the sleeping bag wouldn't fit. Without a visual, Matt didn't understand. When he came over to look, he pointed out that the backpacks he was familiar with were designed to be more compact. I didn't know this, and we decided to lash the sleeping bag to the backpack. It wouldn't be a major problem, just a bit awkward.

On Friday Matt and I were joined by Dan, who he met on Team Hike and also lived near Hoboken. We drove up together (leaving at 3:30pm) to Wind Gap, PA, taking 78 the majority of the way. It should have taken us less than 2 hours to get there, but 78 was a mess with construction. We got there about 6:30.

I discovered that in hiking there is something known as "Trail Names". Matt is known as "Popper" and Dan is known as "Hummer". When we got to the parking lot we were joined by "Spugs" and "Gramps", who are the original members of Team Hike. Gramps maintains the Team Hike website. Spugs hasn't missed a single trip.

We get our gear on, and hiked about 1.8 miles from the parking lot to our campsite for Friday night which is called "New Tripoli Campsite". It's great. Its far off the trail, with a big stone firepit, three large logs around it, and plenty of flat area for the tents. No one was there, and we had the campsite to ourselves.

Everyone busted out their tents, got their beer/alcohol (which is technically illegal at this part of the trail) and we started the campfire. I have said it before, and I will say it again, but it is my firm belief that if campfires were illegal, no one would camp. Everyone gets out their inner pyromaniac, and loves to partake in getting a fire going. These guys made the most of it, breaking out meats, fish, shellfish, and appetizers that were pre-made & marinating the night before. Since the hike was less than 2 miles from the parking lot to the campsite, it wasn't too hard to carry a bit extra baggage Friday night - knowing that your pack would be much lighter on Saturday afternoon for the hike.

We ate, drank and were joined by Fallon, Grant, Rocco and Hicks who came later with their own food in tow. Easily one of the best outdoor BBQs I have been to in a long time. Popper even hiked with his guitar, and was busting out songs that had us laughing, singing and clapping. At 2am - TWO AM! - two more of our hikers joined us after they were at a Stevie Nicks concert with their wives. They got harassed for it as soon as they showed up by an off-key warbling by everyone: "Just like the white winged dove / Sings a song / Sounds like shes singing / Whoo... whoo... whoo..."

The guys were all in their late 20's to mid 30's, most married or engaged, and some with kids. They were the same kind of guys that were in Delta Tau Delta at Villanova - just fun, laid back and loved to get their drink on. Even though it was my first hike I felt like I was included right away, and joined in with the various bantering. I was able to hold my own with the movie quotes ("Milk was a bad idea...") and discussion of the upcoming footballs season to the various jokes and gags that crop up when you get guys together. Popper learned why you don't drink and then try to saw wood - due to a poor position of its axis, his decision to stomp on the branch to break it and getting clobbered by the branch that flipped up and nailed him in his right temple. Concern quickly turned to laughter after that one, with Matt taking a 10 minute break recovering.

We were up Friday until about 5am Saturday morning. Slept a few hours and left the New Tripoli campsite around 11am.

Saturday's hike was...tough. Now this was my first hike and I have nothing to base it on, except that the others in the group kept reminding me that other hikes weren't this hard (remember, 17 years of hiking with some of these guys). There were parts of the hike where we had to skip along rocks with a 40-50 pound backpack. You make a mistake and slip and it meant a very severe injury (look at the pictures for some examples).

While on the trail I kept thinking two things:
1. I am SO HAPPY I got my Asolo boots. I was thinking of just using gym sneakers, and read far too many times about backpackers getting sprained ankles. If I didn't have a backpack, i'm sure sneakers would have been ok enough. The boots were the best $160 spent on the trip.
2. You seriously needed to be athletic to do this trip. I don't care what age or gender you are, but this wasn't an easy hike. More than half of the trail were filled with rocks that required very good dexterity to navigate especially with a backpack. Most of my trail walking was me looking down at where to place my next step, so that I didn't twist an ankle.

Saturday's hike provided a few scenic views. We made it to Bake Oven Knob & stopped for lunch. We met other hikers there and Webelos scouts. We noticed thunderstorms in the distance and we decided to make haste towards our next camping site which had a shelter.

Along the way, I developed a blister on the ball of my foot and Spugs was quick to help me, since he had some experience with this and also was known as "Doctor Feet" on the trips. He broke out some Dr. Scholl's moleskin plus padding (I discovered later that I had moleskin in my first aid kit), and I was ready to go again.

Also, Spugs and Gramps were smart enough to stash three coolers of water & beer at another parking lot along the trail (mid way between New Tripoli & Bake Oven Knob). We were able to load up on cold water, cold beer and ice. We put the coolers back into the woods and would pick them up on Sunday. That really helped because I was thinking of bringing a lot of water, and left a 4 liter bladder in my car when Spugs told me about this.

Once we got to the shelter we were joined by other thru hikers. One was "Chillout", I would hazard he was about 60+ years old, with white hair and a white beard. Thru hikers are the hardcore hikers who started in Georgia, and live on the "AT". I'm sure weekend warriors to him are like Benny's from the shore to the locals. He hung out with us, while the storm passed, and a few other thru hikers showed up also. Some were a bit...ripe. I'm fully aware of the lack of showers on the AT, but it was hard to sit next to them in a shelter during a rain storm.

Saturday night was a bit more low key. Everyone was really tired from the night before, and around the new campsite we had trouble finding wood & the rain got everything wet, which made starting a fire tough. We were joined by Manning who quickly got the name "Johnny Cakes" because he hiked in wearing a pink long sleeve button down shirt. He never watched the Sopranos and didn't quite get the joke, but we had a good laugh over it. He came from the opposite direction, at the end of our trail and parked there. He was able to bring us a case of cold beer, which was pretty sweet.

We drank some more, listened to Popper play guitar and made the best of it. This campsite wasn't as good as the New Tripoli one, but it did have a shelter that some of the guys opted to sleep in rather than pitch a tent.

We woke up at 7am, packed our things and hiked out. Lots of us were very hungover, and the hike to the last parking lot took about a hour and a half. Matt and I drove home and were back in Hoboken by 11am Sunday.

Now after all that here's the Top 5 things I learned backpacking:

On a rainy day last week I didn't have my umbrella, so I hopped on the 126 NJ Transit Bus (Clinton Street) to give me a quick ride from the PATH station to my condo, instead of being drenched by walking in the rain. I watched the bus pull out of the station, make a right on Hudson, another right on Observer Place, and wait at the light in front of Texas Arizona. A girl comes running up to the bus and slaps her palm against the bifold glass door, looking at the bus driver and shouting, "Let me on!"

The bus driver looks at her, and says, "Hey, calm down!"

The girl continues to slap the door as the bus pulls away and leaves her standing in the middle of traffic.

I was sitting in the front seat and said to the bus driver, "Doesn't that annoy you?"

She says, "Yea, I woulda let her on, but she was so rude!"

Watching this from my seat I was happy the bus driver didn't let the girl on the bus. Far too many people that live in Hoboken, who think the world revolves around them.

"So, what's your top 5 pet peeves when driving a bus?", I asked her. This is what she told me...

1. Standing next to her while she is trying to drive the bus. If you look, there is a line on the bus which you shouldn't stand past. If the bus is packed, don't be rude and stand there - wait for the next bus.

2. Having your money out & ready before the bus shows up. If you are standing at the bus stop, before the bus pulls up, dig into your wallet or pants and have the change ready, rather than getting on the bus, rummage through your wallet, and take a minute to find the money. She also added that when at a bus stop, don't jump out at the last second to wave down a bus. If you stand in a visible location and give a friendly wave when the bus is a 1/2 block away (like you are flagging a cab), that is helpful.

3. When the bus drops you off - don't jump in front of the bus to cross the street, make eye contact with the driver and then cross.

4. People who shout at her from the backseat - she can't hear you. Then, she says, people get all upset when they have to get up, walk to her, and explain what they want. Imagine that. Talking like a normal person to another person versus shouting at someone from a distance.

5. Cell Phone users - she can't stand people who sit near her and yap on the cell phone like its their job. I totally agree with that, I hate taking the bus and listening to people talk. There should be a ban for cell phones on public transportation - unless it is an emergency. No, an emergency isn't calling your special other to tell them you are on the bus and to decide what you are going to have for dinner.

Here's my Top 5 take on Hoboken Politics after living here for 13 years...

1. There is a strong sense of cronyism (Favoritism shown to old friends without regard for their qualifications, as in in political appointments to office.) Hoboken.

2. With such a small town, there are many families who hold various offices. For example, Terry LaBruno is the head of the city council. Her husband is the Hoboken Fire Department Battalion Chief, Joseph LaBruno. Terry's uncle was Steve Cappiello, served the city of Hoboken from 1963-1991 both as a city councilman and three-term mayor. Theresa Castellano is a councilwoman, her husband Robert, is a member of the Hoboken Detective Bureau. Then there is Michael Russo, a council person and his father, Anthony, was also mayor of Hoboken and was incarcerated for corruption.

3. I have had my own experiences with City Hall, and the people that work there. My own personal opinion is that the "newcomers" (i.e. those who aren't Born and Raised in Hoboken) are mostly held in contempt for their opinions. We don't count because we haven't lived here our whole lives. But the same Born and Raised people are more than happy to collect our taxes and rent money. Hey, I have only been here 13 years, what do I know? Also there is a strong sense of: "If you speak out against ANYONE in Hoboken city council, they will retaliate against you."

4. There are a lot of people who I call "entrenched". They are fortified in the city government or are city workers and they can't see past their paycheck. You talk about balancing the budget or reducing taxes and they are horrified at the prospect of losing money. They will rally their friends, family, everyone they know to protest the loss of their pay over the idea that Hoboken should reduce the overblown spending.

5. Getting an honest answer to an honest question is nearly impossible. Try it. Next time you see Mayor Roberts please ask: "How we can have the Chief of the Hoboken police department paid MORE than the Chief of the NYC police department? How are you, Mayor Roberts, paid $25,000 more than the mayor of Jersey City?"

With that being said, I fully hope everyone gets out for the elections on May 8th. I hope all our residents take the time to visit Hoboken411 to read about their candidates, and pick the one which best represents them.

Voting in the first ward, i'd choose Ron Rosenberg for first ward council. I have had the chance, in the past, to speak personally to Ron about the issues I have about Hoboken, and he is the progressive, independent choice for a way that the residents can clean house in city council. He has lived in the first ward for 25 years, and helped create "People For Open Government", which is a grass roots citizen group that fights for government reform.

I mean if you ask me, look at the council people in there: Castellano, Russo, LaBruno - it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that they are basically a family-based coalition running this town into the ground. Pay police officers MORE money? No problem! Keep open a failing hospital! No problem! Screw the taxpayers! No problem!

Look, if you are for the "Rubber Stamp Council" of Hoboken, then vote for the other guys. If you want change, I can wholeheartedly endorse Bill Noonan (Great Today, Better Tomorrow) in the 6th Ward, Ron Rosenberg (Our Clear Choice For Change!) in the 1st Ward and Frank Raia in the 3rd Ward.

Oh, and spare me the mud-slinging in the comments.

I'm back.

Myrtle was a good time, with golfing, drinking and lots of laughs. We played at Barefoot Love (Wednesday), Arrowhead (Thursday), Grande Dunes & Waterway Hills (Friday), Meadowlands (Saturday).

Honestly, there isn't a ton to tell. My golf game was poor. Normally, years ago, i'd shoot about 100 a round. I was shooting around 120 a round (double bogie & triple bogie with the occasional par showing up). Fortunately, one of the guys on the trip gave me some great advice on the last day which seems to fix a major hook that has appeared in my game over the last 6 years. My chipping and putting are fairly solid. I just need to seriously think about a golf camp or some golf lessons to fix a few things. Anyone know of a golf camp, feel free to email me about it.

Wednesday and Thursday it was warm, about 70-75 degrees each day. Friday was a major rain day, with our groups getting rained out after 9 holes at Grande Dunes, which really sucked because it was a beautiful course. Saturday was a 10am tee time at Meadowlands and it was about 50 degrees to start. By the 12th hole it was about 60 degrees but a stiff cold wind made it a miserable day. St. Patty's Day we spent it around Myrtle bars, and lots of college kids were out and about.

Here's my Top 5 observations while down at Myrtle:

1. This was priceless, spotted him at Finn McCool's in Myrtle Beach on St. Patty's Day:

I think he had his required 37 pieces of "flair".

2. It seems that everyone, over the age of 23, is married. I know this isn't just true for Myrtle, but most of the rest of the country outside our metro area. If I moved to Myrtle i'd be an outcast. Single at 35?! The horror! Going out to Broadway on the Beach was a joke. There are 3 groups of people: College Kids, Married People and Golfer Tourists. I'm not one of those guys who goes on vacation and expects to meet someone out at the bars. Shit, I don't even do that in Hoboken, I just go out to have fun. But it certainly is a bit more fun when you have something, anything, to even give you a slight bit of interest to be out and drinking. I was there 4 years ago when one of our crew did pull down an extremely good looking girl on a bachelorette party. But more often than not, that is the exception, not the norm.

3. Slow is normal. Everything is just a bit slower in the south, and that's ok to the locals. We were at a bar with 3 bartenders and about 200 people. The bar was packed, and they were mostly serving beer, shots and the occasional Captain and Coke to yours truly. Slow. Slow. Slow. Give me 3 bartenders from up here, and that bar would have made about $3,000 more on St. Patty's Day from just pumping out the booze faster.

4. Saving $100-150 on a trip to Myrtle by going in March just isn't worth it. I'll pay a bit more to stop this whole Russian roulette with the weather. In my last 3 trips I have yet to get 4 days in a row of nice weather. I can handle rain, within reason, but when it is also 60 degrees out versus 70 degrees, it makes a big difference when i'm cold and wet versus warm and wet. Next year i'm going to spend a bit more and go during April, if I can get the others to agree.

5. Is a vacation really a vacation when you golf 5 days, drink everyday and get about 6 hours of sleep a night? I was ridiculously lucky to wake up without a hangover each day, but coming into work today i'm beat. I feel like I need a vacation from my vacation. I'd like another 2 week trip during the summer (similar to my Australian 2 week tour from 7 years ago), if I can swing it. I'd love to just find an isolated paradise where I can relax, recharge the internal batteries and come back refreshed. Thinking about a place like Turkoise, which was recommended by a friend, but not sure how I feel about going to something like Club Med. Just isn't....me. I'd like everything Turkoise has...too bad I just can't get like 3-4 friends to go along for the ride.

Last year I wrote about my Top 5 Winter Fashion Mistakes. I don't claim to be Mr. Fashion. I just notice things when I walk to the PATH each morning and they either make me chuckle or cringe. Here's my list this year.

1) Faux-fur lined collar parkas. Look, i'm down with all of this, but when I see 10,000 Hobokenites all wearing the same coat, you start to groan with disdain when everyone is wearing it. The faux-fur parka isn't new. It has been around for the last 3 years. It just seems that everyone got one for Christmas this year.

2) Sweater vests. If you are a man and still wear sweater vests, you might want to consider building that time machine and go to 1986, Mr. Huxtable wants them back.

3) Big-ass headsets. I'm glad you decided to pair your $350 IPod with the $300 clunky headset. Now you look like you are working at the local airport, directing planes to the terminal gates. Wearing such a headset is also another way of broadcasting to thugs, "Please mug me." I wore headsets like this in public, until I was tackled by my friends and the headset was forcibly removed from my head. Places you are allowed to wear these kind of headsets: In the privacy of your own home, or on an airplane, or if you are a club DJ.

4) Timberlands. Unless you work in construction or look like you belong in Eminem's posse, you really shouldn't be wearing the traditonal wheat-colored Timberlands. Just sayin'.

5) Scarves wrapped around the head: I know it is cold. When I walk down the street and see people dressed like Luke on the planet Hoth its ridiculous. 20 degrees isn't THAT bad. Buck up. I love scarves. I wear one myself. When it is cold, I will throw on a hat and gloves, too. However, no matter how cold it gets, I won't look like the next Edmund Hillary or Tenzing Norgay commuting on my yak to work. Hey, that's just me.

Tom, get your plane right on time.
I know your part'll go fine.
Fly down to Mexico.
Da-n-da-da-n-da-n-da-da and here I am,
The only living boy in New York.

I get the news I need on the weather report.
I can gather all the news I need on the weather report.
Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile.
Da-n-da-da-n-da-da-n-da-da here I am
The only living boy in New York

Leaving Wednesday night for Washington DC. Back in October rumor had it that my brother was going to host Turkey Day in Bethesda. I checked Orbitz and got a plane ticket for $125 round trip. Had to weigh the options:

1. Normally it took 6 hours to drive to DC, with holiday traffic i'd hazard 8+ hours driving with holiday traffic.
2. Gas was $3.00 a gallon, round trip would cost about $60 alone. With tolls, maybe another $15. That's $75.
3. Driving to airport & checking in: 1 hour. Waiting at terminal: 1 hour. Flight: 1 hour and change (If no delays). Getting off plane, getting bag & getting to brother's place: 1 hour and change. Total time: About 5 hours.

To me, for $125, which would be $50 more it was worth it. When I originally made my flight I took into consideration a healthy Donovan McNabb and the Eagles game to be 1pm. I made my flight home for 7pm Sunday, arriving at 8:20pm. Thanks to the new flexibile schedule I get to miss the first half of the Eagles game. This might be a good thing, considering that Jeff Garcia is at QB.

There are 5 problems I have with flying:

1. I'm 6'3 and a HALF. Coach seats are designed for the most of the cast of The Wizard of OZ. I flew business class once and it was glorious...until....

2. I would hazard that 50% of my flights there is some kind of child problem. I get the "Crying baby" or the "Loud Toddler" or "I'm gonna fucking kick the front of my chair Rascal". Last time I flew business I got the Rascal. I turned around, asked his mother to control him (in a nice way). It lasted about 5 minutes. Tonight, with the holidays I fully expect to get on the plane and hear some kid wailing like it is the end of the world...which brings me to...

3. Every time I fly I get that feeling of dread that the plane is gonna crash. It probably started when I flew to London in 1988 and I saw smoke coming from the engine when I looked out the window. I calmly brought this to the attention of the stewardess. Her wide eyed stare and quick dash to the cockpit left its mark on me. Fortunately they turned around the plane and landed without a problem. 9/11 doesn't help, either. I don't need any meds or anything, but really never look forward to getting on a plane.

4. I have flown quite a few times in my life, but certainly not as much as your typical business traveller. On all of my trips, I never got to sit next to the hot/cute/walk upright & has opposable thumbs girl. 90% of the time get the fat guy or the foreign national who thinks bathing is optional. I swear to God. I did once site next to a MILF, with her two kids. She went to Villanova...graduated in 1986 and her husband worked for ESPN. Still, what kind of fun is that? She's cute, has kids and is married. It's like God hates me. Seriously though, don't you think airlines could make like a "singles seating" where the guys and girls who are single can sit together if they choose? But then that could get creepy, like the married guys who click that option much like those married guys who join MySpace to meet lonely women and ruin it for the rest of us.

5. Boarding/Exiting the plane. Easily the most frustrating experience of flying. Ever watch how fucking slow people get off a plane? Everytime I get on or off a plane, it takes me about 30 seconds to get on, find my seat, and sit down. Every other idiot of the planet takes their god-awful time like it is Sunday driving day and every asshole brings carry-on luggage that far exceeds the flight rules, takes up too much overhead compartment space and never fits. Then they sit down, and need a pillow. They get back up, block traffic, get a pillow. Now they need their glasses. Back up again, and get their glasses. Oh, where's that magazine? Up again and getting that. Or when they get off the plane, its like most adults have the arm strength of a 7 year old child. You see them struggling with their luggage in the overhead compartment, arms flailing around and making grunting noises while everyone is watching this display with barely masked rage. What the fuck is wrong with people when it comes to quickly getting off a plane?

Won't be back until Sunday. Looking forward to seeing my family members. Very much hoping there is no major drama. I love my family, but it always seems that every holiday someone will say something to piss me off. Like the time I brought my British roommate, John, to Thanksgiving dinner in 1999 since he didn't know anyone in America. My family knew I had two roommates. And my family also knows that i'm one of those perpetually single family members at every holiday. I never brought any girlfriends home for a holiday dinner...so it is cool until you are over 30 and you start to get self conscious/sensitive about it. Everyone else is celebrating the holiday with their special other/fiance/wife/kids and i'm guy who is drunk, alone and watching TV by 10pm when everyone else goes to sleep. Anyhow, one of my brothers-in-law pulls me aside after dinner and with a dead serious look says, "Sean...I didn't know about you two. You're gay?" Yea, very funny motherfucker. I was told later he was kidding, and he did apologize for a joking around like that, but it basically ruined any Thanksgiving spirit I had. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Also I have been to DC before, but also thinking it would be a good chance to play tourist for the weekend. I mean, I did work there an an intern for Senator Arlen Specter in 1992, but should take the chance to see some of the less-annoying sights (i.e. anything that doesn't have a major line). Also i'm bringing my new camera, and i'd like to get some cool shots.

Good luck everyone. Happy Thanksgiving. God bless our troops for protecting our country and sacrificing their holiday for America and democracy.

Growing up, I had it pretty good. I was the youngest of 4 children, so I got away with a lot more than my older siblings. Like my sisters were banned from watching Blue Lagoon when they were 14, but screamed bloody murder when Dad and I were watching "10" on cable TV when I was the same age.

Same situation applied for cars. The twins got to share a Chevy Camaro when they were 17. My brother got a Volkswagen Cabroliet at 17. I got a Jeep Wrangler Laredo when I was 17.

I loved that car. Firstly, I went to LaSalle and I lived in Gwynedd Valley and it was *the* car to own as a teenager. Basically the quintessential preppymobile for 1988, and being sucked into conformity at an early age, I was thrilled to have it. Secondly, it was the top of the line Jeep - with the chrome grill and all the extras - cruise control and air conditioning. Thirdly, not to sound too snobby, but the car was a $20,000 car driven by a 17 year old - that does make the ego rise a notch or two.

Before you, my dear readers, get up in arms about my well-to-do upbringing, my parents were all about installing a work ethic at an early age. Part of that work ethic is about paying for things we owned. Every summer working in Ocean City my money would go straight to my parents to pay for my car. End of a day selling ice cream or end of a night being a waiter. Per year I owed my parents for half of the lease, about $3,000.

Conversely, i'm not going to try and make myself out to be "Mr. Self Sufficient". My parents did pay for my insurance. They paid for my gas. Clothes. School. Just about any hobby that I enjoyed they would pay for, and I think i'm much more thankful now about how generous my parents were.

But, with that being said, here are my "Top 5" Jeep memories:

1. Snow Patrol: One day in January I was driving from Villanova to Gwynedd Valley. It was only about a 30 minute drive and the roads were snow covered. I had driven my Jeep in 4-wheel drive all the time in the show, and it was a champ. Everyone else on the road is driving 15 miles an hour, I would "blaze" past them at 30 miles an hour, with nary a slip. But, this one night, the snow-slick road turned to ice. I wasn't driving very fast at the time, only 10-15 miles per hour when I felt the front of the car began to list to the left. So, I turned my wheel into the skid, which I learned at an early age, and was expecting the skid to correct itself. It didn't. I was on an icepatch and I was slowly rotating in a 360 degree circle in the middle of the road. Thank God it was 1am. No one was on the road. So as I was doing 360's down the road in slow motion I just took my hands off the wheel and crossed my arms. I said to myself, "May as well just enjoy the ride" and for the next 12 seconds waited until I skidded off the road and into a snowbank. I slipped the Jeep into 4-wheel drive (the higher torque setting) and easily got out of the snowbank and just continued home.

2) Only fools...- Ocean City + Jeep = A lot of attention from girls. Me, being about as experienced with a girl as a yuppie Hobokenite is with clipping coupons, didn't bode well. One girl, who was about 16 and extremely cute at the time, convinced me to let her drive my car (saying she was learning to drive with her permit). So I drove the car into an alley, and her friends were in the backseat while I told her what to do. This was one of the biggest mistakes ever. It was summer and the roof & doors of my Jeep were off. So I was outside the drivers side, and she was in the drivers seat. She didn't wait for me to get back into the car and she guns it. I was right next to her, so I was able to make a quick move by grasping the top rollover bar of the Jeep and stick my foot on the brakes. She is still - STILL - gunning the engine while my foot is on the brakes and this gnarly squealing sound is coming from the engine. I reach across and put the car into park, while she is fucking GIGGLING the whole time like its some kind of game. Fucking idiot girls. I tell her and her friends to get out of my car and I never see them again.

3) Late Night Drives: Dave (my brother-in-law) had brother-in-law named Chuck. Chuck, who is no longer with us, was a real salt of the earth kind of guy who was very overweight and the typical jolly fat-guy. He also drove Harleys in his spare time, and would tell me that his favorite experience was driving a Harley, on a warm summer night, with no real destination - just riding for hours. It wasn't until I had my Jeep that I sort-of knew what he was talking about. Driving the car with no roof and no doors was about as close to being on a motorcycle I got and I did have the same thrill for life on certain sweet summer nights when the air was warm and would sit at a traffic light in the middle of nowhere and look up - and see the crisp stars shining down from the heavens. It was a Zen like moment, when everything was right with the world and unless you have experienced it yourself, you won't know what i'm talking about.

4) "Offroading": Suburban Philadelphia has its share of industrial parks and fields. Sadly none are really "offroading" places, but when you are a bored teenager and you have a carfull of friends - you do what you can. I broke several laws with that Jeep, taking it across fields and lawns while yelling "Offroading" with a group of laughing teenagers in the other seats. I was kind enough NOT to do any major destruction to landscapes, but I do know that there must have been a few mornings where some guy is going to work, walks out of his house and takes a look at his lawn with my tire tracks going across it and he must have been thinking "WHAT...THE...FUCK!"

5) New York, New York: I was pledging Delta Tau Delta, and in our final week we had a scavenger hunt in New York City. The plan was to get 3 carloads of pledges to drive to New York on like a Wedneday night and we had a series of places we needed to visit. Some items we needed to collect, some photos we needed to take to prove we did it. I was one of the drivers and had 3 uncomfortable people in the backseat, along with someone in the shotgun seat. It was my first time driving to NYC, and I can honestly say I went to Manhattan once before when I was a kid - so I was somewhat nervous about driving my nice Jeep into the crime-ridden streets of NYC in 1992. We were right outside of New York city, on the Garden State Parkway (don't ask why we were on the GSP and not I-95), when my steering wheel started to shake violently. I never saw that before, so I slowed down, signalled to the other drivers and something was drastically wrong with my car. I took it to a service station off the GSP and they told me something or other had broke and it would need to be replaced. The people in my car piled into the 2 other cars and I drove home, alone, going 40 miles an hour on I-95, with my hazard signals on. If I went any faster than 40 miles per hour, the steering wheel would shake and rattle. I feel bad about that day because it was a good pledge bonding experience and I missed out.

Good times. Today I drive Dave's old 1993 Volvo with 120,000 miles on it. It does the job. It is a good weekend car. If I had to drive to work, I have little doubt that I would be driving something else. I still find myself on edmunds.com about once a week, looking at the new BMWs and thinking if a $375 lease on a new X3 versus a $420 lease on an X5 is justified. I crunch the numbers and then also try to guess what my insurance would cost - and by the time i'm done daydreaming about a new BMW, Toureag, Volvo convertible...I always take a peek at the latest Jeep and wonder...maybe I could just recapture some of that magic again...

Then the frugal side of me shuts down any thought of buying a car and keeps me focused on saving enough money to buy a condo & pay my PSE&G bill.

I went to the Apple store at 5th avenue. I needed new earbuds. Just the old, regular crappy earbuds that come with the Ipod, because I lost them at the gym.

What was going to be a simple shop at noon on a Tuesday, turned out to be really annoying.

1. 95% of the people shopping there are morons. Every single person in the store loses about 25 IQ points upon entry. No one can just buy something there, they need it explained to them and spoon fed by the attendants.

2. There were a trillion attendants, who all look like Art School dropouts. Every single one of them were occupied with a customer. As soon as one was free it was like blood in the water of a shark tank amongst the other customers. Someone needs to make some kind of queue help system. Get a tag & you are next in line for help. I was in the store for 30 minutes before I had to wait for a free attendant.

3. I just wanted the Apple brand earbuds. Nothing fancy. Not the Bang and Olufsen or the Nike ones - just the Apple brand ones. I didn't want the Apple ones that had a remote or hung on the back of your neck. I want the ones that came in the original IPOD box. Does the Apple store have this? NO! NO! NO! Oh, they are available ONLINE. But, no, sorry "we don't have them in the store". Are you fucking kidding me? I waited 30 minutes to find this out?

4. The stupid elevator. Ooh! Its like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory! We need to take the elevator up 10 feet! Wheeeeee! Look if you are old or handicapped - I think the elevator is a great idea. This isn't fucking Disneyland, take the god damn stairs you tourists.

5. The shelving sucks. To see what is on a shelf you have to basically stand away from the shelf about 3 feet, because all the products are below waist level. Ok, fair enough - but the way they position the shelving, you are also BLOCKING the other products behind you. To grab anything, you are bascially knocking people out of your way like 5 year olds. The Apple store product shelving suck.

I left the store and was ready to drop kick someone into the water fountains outside. As an added bonus, what the fuck is up with people on the staircases of this store? They walk slower than Old Man River. No wonder why our country is so fucking overweight - everyone is taking elevators 10 feet or laboriously climbing a set of stairs like they are at the summit of Everest. Even when the guy ahead of me got outside, he S L O W LY made his way out the door, like there wasn't a care in the world! La la la! Its New York City! La la la! I will just shuffle through this door! La la la!

I was at the point of violence at the end of my shopping trip.

I'm so tired of the television schedules nowadays for Monday Night Football.

The seers in the NFL offices try to predict what should be shown on Monday Night, months before the season starts. They put on teams that SHOULD be good, but with injuries and uncertainties with every team every year, you never know who will be worthy of watching Monday night.

Here are my Top 5 Ways we can fix Monday Night Football:

1. Don't schedule any Monday night games. Put in a full 16 week schedule of every team, to play every week on Sundays. No Monday night games are scheduled. Two weeks before, the NFL will choose 3 potentional matchups for Monday night, based on record of competing teams and interest. For example, during week 14 I would have chosen for Week 16, the following matchups:
a) NY Giants at Washington
b) Dallas at Carolina
c) Indianapolis at Seattle

All 3 games are with teams that are either in the playoffs, or in the hunt. You know that there is going to be excitement from not only fans of those teams, but even non-fans to watch two teams really battle it out. Of course, choosing the colts is tricky since you don't know if the starters are playing the whole game, but you know that the Colts aren't going to lie down and let the Seahawks beat them.

The NFL will just randomly select one of the 3 teams to play. If owners want their teams to be on a nationally televised game, they have even MORE incentive to spend money on making a good team & coaches.

By scheduling 2 weeks ahead of time that gives teams PLENTY of time to prepare. We are in 2005 (and soon to be 2006), folks. It's not like a team just can't wait ONE day longer to play football - they knew where they were playing, just the time was changed. As for the fans - we are in a digital age. Emails, websites and blogs will alert all the fans to what Monday Night game was chosen 2 weeks in advance, and give people more credit - if they know Monday Night ISN'T a set thing, they will be checking ESPN or their hometown teams website each week to see when their team is on.

2) I would sign Bob Costas to be one of the announcers on Monday Night. I don't know who to pair him with (NOT COLLINSWORTHLESS!!!), but if you watch the guy on HBO's Inside The NFL, he is a solid pick to call the games. Maybe get Al Michaels and Bob Costas at first, to see how they do together while grooming Costas to be the long term host and looking for a replacement for Michaels.

3) Screw the West Coast! Start the games at 8pm EST. I know that we tried it once in 1998 and the rating dipped in the West Coast, but they knew what they were getting into when they moved there. It's a tradeoff, they get the beatiful weather and we get football. Have them get a Tivo, and record the game. By the time they get home, they can watch the football game, skip the commericals and catch up to the rest of the world by the 4th quarter. No one on the East Coast likes to stay up until 12:30am watching a game, and the East Coast easily has more football fans than the rest of the country - cater to your audience, people!

4) I'm tired of watching sideline reporters who are hired by their looks and not their NFL knowledge. Starks? Guerrero? Yes, they are easy on the eyes, but I watch them fumble their ways through interviews like Michael Jackson during a cross-examination. Lets hire men or women who should be on the sideline, because of their brains, not their bodies.

5) Have a real halftime show. I don't understand why only the Super Bowl we get to see a musical act play. Why not just do the same thing for every week of the NFL? Have one band come on that plays 3 songs, and rocks the crowd. Trust me there are PLENTY of good bands that would this for FREE. Why? Because its MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL. Imagine the audience that you garner for some up-and-coming bands who are well known in New York City, but not so well known in Topeka, Kansas. Trust me, just have ESPN partner with MTV and this is a slam dunk for everyone.

What would you do to fix MNF?

I don't claim to be Mr. Fashion, but this is what I have observed this winter...

1) Any man who wears earbands. Sorry, I just despise this look. It screams: "Emasculated Man".

2) The long quilted goose down coat. I know that for girls they are cold all the time and need to wear warm clothes, but come on - this coat makes you look like you are wearing a sleeping bag. Any guy that wears this should have his testicles removed promptly.

3) Any of the cavewoman boots. Uggs have been replaced by the furry neanderthal boot look. Me No Like!

4) The "Working Girl" look. I see attractive girls, wearing nice clothes and look down to see them wearing stockings, sneakers and white cotton socks over their stockings. Ugh. I know, I know - no one wants to walk around in high heels. It just screams "I'm a secretary!" Oh, i'm sorry, "...administrative assistant!".

5) No coats at all. I see the girls & guys walking down the street, shivering, and they don't have a coat & loudly complain how cold it is. These are the kind of asshats we get into Hoboken. They don't want to crimp their NJ Guido style - so they leave their coats in their leased BMW and walk 4 blocks to Lana or Trinity. They stand out in line, stamping their feet and they already are holding their money out to buy that first of many rounds of red Red Bull and vodka.

Most of you know that i'm bartending once again. I first started at the bar when it first opened, January 2001. I worked until November 2003, when I was, well, fired. It is a long story, and not sure if I want to blog it, because it will just reopen old wounds. If you are really interested, you can always email me or just come to the bar on a Saturday night and ask me. Bottom line is that the owner and I made up with each other and he was happy to welcome me back.

Now that I am back again, here are my top 5 pet peeves I have while i'm working at the bar. Other bartenders may read this and know what i'm talking about, or maybe they will disagree with me. From this list I excluded my whole tipping principles, which you can find here.

• Order everything at once & have your money ready. A girl came up to the bar the other night, and said, "A Miller Lite, please." I walk to the cooler, get the beer and walk back, putting the beer on the bar and said, "$4 bucks". They say, "Oh, another one!". I walk back to the cooler, get another one, put that on the bar, and say "Ok, $8 bucks". "...and a Captain & coke!" I make the drink and tell her "$14 dollars." She goes into her wallet, fiddles around with money, then turns and asks her friends for money. Bartenders need to sling the drinks out as soon as they can, and this is just slowing us down.

• Patrons who order stupid drinks. I get younger drinkers who come in and say, "I will have a Mind Eraser!" or "Three shots of Scooby Snack!" I know how to make Mind Erasers, but when its busy, you don't want to be sitting there making a layered drink. I don't know Scooby Snacks, and I would ask the people, "What's in that?" and they have no idea, either. I will look it up sometimes, and a Scooby Snack has 1 part Malibu, Creme de Bananes, Midori, Pineapple and whipped cream shaken together. In other words a pain in the ass to make, especially when the bar is busy. Sometimes people order a "Pink Pussycat" or a "Purple Nurple" and I have no clue what these shots are - so I just make something that has vodka and then color it to look pink or purple and say "There ya go!" Most people have no clue anyhow.

• People who have no music taste. The bane of my existence at the bar is the jukebox. There are multiple reasons:
  
  
  
  • People have no concept of playing music to the crowd. You get 3 people in the bar who like Phish. They play Phish on a Saturday night in a packed room and everyone else is thinking "Is that music or is someone strangling a seal?" I just hit the skip key and ask the people to play something better.
    
  • Everyone wants to hear the "song of the moment". Every 2 months there is a supersong that is on the radio and everyone wants to hear it. Kayne West. Outkast. Beyonce. Kelly Clarkson. The problem is that these songs get played ad nauseum every night at the bar. A patron may come in, stay for 2 hours, play that song and leave. Another patron comes in and does the same thing. Pretty soon you are about to rip the jukebox off the wall.
    
  
  I liked the old days when a bartender could set the music tempo and play the songs from their CD collection or Ipod. Sometimes patrons would ask for certain bands, and we would play that for them. When I used to work with Teresa, we would have a slamming good time behind the bar listening to Rage Against The Machine and dancing with each other while we worked. Those were the good old days.

• Rude customers. There was a guy who came into the bar when I worked who just, for some reason, was always rude to me. There were a series of events where he would order from me and just act rude, saying things like, "You aren't friendly - get the other bartender!" or he would look at the shot I poured in a rocks glass and say "This is it? This is all your giving me?" Now, I like to think I give good customer service, but it only took a few more similar situations where I had to set this guy straight. One night I finally had enough, when he got angry at me for pouring a shot incorrectly. He was right, it was a shot I didn't know, his pal told me how to pour it - and it was fairly terrible. I didn't charge for the shot and he kept giving me grief over it. Finally I went off on him. Keep in mind that this was the cumlination of about 4 weeks of this guy being a jerkoff to me. I laid into him, starting with, "What the fuck is your problem, exactly?" I detailed everything he did the last 4 weeks, in front of his friends and his fiance. His friends were all saying, "Oh, we're sorry. He does that when he is drunk!" and at the end of it even he was saying, "Look, i'm really sorry."
  I wrote before that the bartenders aren't servants. I certainly could have handled it a bit differently, but it was a busy bar night and I was at the end of my rope on tolerance. I saw the same guy a week later, he shook my hand and apologized again. Nice guy when he's sober.

• Underage kids. I was in college, and I tried to get into bars when I wasn't 21. Sadly, I never had ID because my brother refused to "lose" his license for me and I wasn't the kind of brother that would steal it from his wallet. Nowadays, thanks to modern technology, we have a tremendous amount of customers from Stevens University who come to the bar with NJ licenses that are incredibly real. Some are good customers, who drink, tip and act normal. But the other morons make them look really bad. They punch holes in the wall, steal things from the bar and rarely can handle their drink. It makes me want to get a scanner than you can run a license under and it will verify if it is genuine or a fake. I just want everyone in my bar who is older than 21. There are plenty of young 20-somethings who act like morons, too - but the older the patrons get the less likely they will be a complete asshat in a bar.

  Those are my pet peeves while I bartend. Here are my pet peeves while i'm a patron.

• Male bartenders that ignore guys and serve girls first. I don't know how many uptown bars I will stand there, with my tried and true technique of holding my money out, and the bartenders serve the girls first. As a bartender, I absolutely treat everyone equally, and this drives me insane.

• Any bars that have a line. I think any Hobokenite who waits in line for a bar is a complete fucking moron. There are NO BARS in this town that are worth a line. You have a trillion bars to choose from, and you want to wait in line for 30 minutes to drink in a bar? No way, not me. Plus, the bouncers at Madisons keep people outside when the bar is half-full. Why?

• Going to any bar that has 10 people or more wearing the Man Suit. Now that the winter is upon is, the next variation of the Man Suit is the Sweater Man Suit, where the person wears a sweater over the shirt - but the collar, cuffs and untucked tail are all showing - yes, i'm guilty as charged, here. Places that have the "cool yuppie crowd" always have the same vibe: You go there with friends, get into a circle, talk with each other, and ignore everyone else. Am I right? People go to a bar, to drink, and be around other people who drink - but don't talk to them or socialize.

• Bartenders who complain. I may have my pet peeves, but I do realize a simple thing about bartending - the ratio of money to work is ridiculously easy. You pour drinks, talk to people and hang out at a bar for 8 hours - then walk out with a fistload of cash. As much as I may make my comments about my peeves, don't take any of this the wrong way - bartending is one of the best jobs ever. If they had 401K and health care, I would be tempted to leave my IT job and do it fulltime. I sit there and do the math, and some bartenders work two shifts a week (16 hours), and make more money than a schoolteacher who works 5 days a week (35-40 hours).
  

Hey, that's just me. Have an interesting one? Email me or leave a comment. Same rules about comments apply to real life - don't be a dick. :)

I workout 4 days a week and still get laughed at by Ethopians, but here are 5 things I hate seeing at my gym, "Club H":

1. Keep your cell phones in the locker. Working out and chatting on your cell phone? Please stop being a retard and put the phone back into your locker. Oh yea, whoever has the cell phone with the Indiana Jones theme song - turn your fucking phone off. Every single time I walk into the locker room that phone is constantly ringing, uber nerd.

2. Guys who feel the need to walk around the locker room completely naked, please stop. Guys will walk up to the scale buck naked - because you know that hefty towel is going to throw your weight off by 3 ounces! Or you walk into the sauna or steam room and it is a preview of "Free Willy". Towels were invented for a reason - use them!

3. Unnecessary grunting has got to go. Yes, lifting heavy objects may cause a person to grunt. But when someone is lifting and it sounds like they are doing their "Incredible Hulk taking a massive dump" impression, it gets old after the 2nd set. This also includes anyone who has a IPOD and decides to SING while they work out. I was next to a chump who was singing happily along with his IPOD, and he was tone deaf. God damn, people!

4. See a cute girl - don't gawk or leer. Too many guys look like they are one step away from dropping their shorts and beating it right there when a cute girl walks by. Horray - you see a cute girl. One second rule, fellas. Glance, look away and appreciate. This also means don't tap your buddy on the shoulder, point and then make chummy quiet laughter. Har har har - you are a dork.

5. I'm so tired of watching people lift heavy weight without proper form. I don't know how many times I see a guy doing bicep curls and he is swinging his back to lift the weight. Or how many times someone is doing the lat bar pulldown and leaning back to pull it down. Reduce the weight, and stop trying to exercise your ego. Rule #1 for the gym is - Check your ego at the door. Just lift with good form first.

Oh, this is a bonus section, which technically makes this a top 10 list:

• What's up with the top heavy look?. When you have a buff upper body and your calves and thighs are like twigs, you look like a fool. At least 65% of the guys at the gym never workout their legs. I seriously have to sneak some photos of these guys to show everyone how bad this is.

• Everyone loses (or gains) 10 pounds when they first start to work out. The key to losing weight isn't getting your fat (or skinny) ass on a treadmill - it's your diet. Eating like a bird for lunch and dinner and then sucking down 3 cheeseburgers on a late night drunk binge on Saturday night isn't going to help your weight loss. I'm constantly trying to follow my high protein diet and my love of cheesesteaks and Captain & cokes isn't helping the situation.

• Wipe down the machines after you use them. The towels provided aren't to wipe your sweaty brow - they are for wiping down the machines after you get your greasy hair all over it. I was going to use a bench to stretch yesterday when it wasn't wiped down - so gross.

• For the love of God someone destroy Club H's sound system. They play some of the worst work out music at Club H. They should have IPOD night. Club members can sign up, bring in a good IPOD mix (20 songs max - and it gets reviewed so we don't have to endure 1 hour of German Metal Rap), and it gets played. Yes, yes, yes, I know the whole "why not just wear an IPOD and workout". I can't - it is distracting to me to have wires hanging around and stuff. Next invention - bluetooth IPOD with wireless earbuds.

• Is it really so hard to put the weights back in order? This is my anal request, but when the 45 pound dumbbells are sitting askew or the 55 pounds are in the 40 pound slot, what kind of stupid lazy motherfuckers are going to the gym? Oh right, I forget the same guys who are shooting up steroids between their toes in the gym bathroom, that's who.

I decided this week to treat myself to one of my favorite ways to indulge myself - with a massage. I'm a fan of massages, head rubs or back scratches. Any of my ex-girlfriends can attest to this. I will return the favor, and I think i'm fairly good at it.

I had to decide where in Hoboken to get a massage, and there are many places you can get one. I chose Spa H, formerly known as River Spa (3 months after River Spa opened another spa trademarked the name "River Spa"). I chose the spa for two reasons:

1. It was bright, clean and new. The facility just opened less than a year ago and the design is much like Club H's environment. I have been to some massage parlors in the city that, while cheap, had each "booth" just seperated by a curtain. I wasn't interested in hearing someone next to me get a massage.

2. Club H members get 10% off all services. The massage, normally $90 - was only $81 with the discount. For all the money I pay at Club H - it's nice to get a break for being a member.

I could go into fanciful details about the massage, but it was just as expected. An hour long massage. I chose a Swedish massage, but in retrospect I probably should have gotten a deep tissue massage. I am very tight and sore from working out 4 days a week, plus it really felt great to get my injured leg worked on.

I did talk to my massage therapist and decided to ask her some straightforward questions about her job. I figured that i'd share them with you, so that the rest of Hoboken can learn a thing or two from your friendly neighborhood massage therapists.

1. They are massage therapists, not a masseurs or masseuses. I learned this because I was about to ask Amanda, the massage therapist, her advice on "good" clients and began by saying "As a masseuse...". As soon as I said those three words, I could immediately tell I used the wrong words. We had been chatting amiciably during the massage, and it was a small and slight change in the vibe I got from her that I knew I used the wrong word. I immediately corrected myself and said "Wait - do you guys call yourselves that? What's the proper term". She informed me that a "masseuse" is a bit of a deragatory word which categorizes her profession, but also those that would be found in the back pages of the Village Voice - if you know what I mean. Massage Therapists prefer not to be called a "masseuse". Learn from Furey.

2. Tipping is important. As a bartender, and working as a waiter during my adolescent summers at Ocean City, I learned about how important it was to tip properly. I paid $81 for a massage. If I was at dinner, and had an $81 dollar meal, I would have tipped about $15-20, depending on the service and quality of the meal. The same is true for a massage. If you get a massage, expect to tip in the same range. A $5 tip isn't cutting it, folks.

3. Take your happy endings and shove it. While writing this I was expecting a few snarky emails on Monday asking "Did ya get a happy ending - har har har...". Massage Therapists are performing a job to help you. Guys, no matter how great the massage was, they aren't there for you to hit on them. If you happen to see your massage therapist in a bar, hey, buy 'em a drink - and try to impress them about how much money you make or what kind of car you drive. But at Spa H, or any spa, let the professionals perform their jobs.

4. Hygiene is important. If you just had a big workout - TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET A MASSAGE. That means, soap, water and a washcloth. Amanda told me how some people don't exfoliate their skin and during the massage the skin peels off and gets under her nails. How disgusting! It is simply considerate to make sure you don't smell like a New York City cab driver or are sweating like Michael Jackson at a nursery school before you get a massage.

5. Get there early. If you make an appointment for 7pm, try to be there 6:50pm. Massage Therapists are on a schedule. They have clients every hour, so if you are late - that means less blissful massaging for you. Also, that backs up their other appointments if they do give you the full hour. Again, it's another simple way that you, as a client, can be considerate towards the massage therapist, who is trying to give you the very best experience possible.

I thought the massage was good, but at $81, it certainly isn't inexpensive. For the same price, I can get a similar massage in New York City. If you are living in Hoboken, you kind of expect that services around here would be a bit less expensive than the city.

I told Amanda that there were two types of people who lived in Hoboken: Those that love the town or those that can't afford New York. Those that can't afford New York are probably the same people who are poor tippers. They aren't going to shell out $90 for a massage but when they do, they would be the type to skimp on a tip. They are the same people who tip $1 after making them 3 mixed drinks and a Cosmo.

I'm always interested in your comments and emails. If anyone has another spa for me to try - let me know where I should be going for a good massage.

On May 23rd, 1942 my father was born to a Police officer and a homemaker from Philadelphia. Last Monday was the first birthday where I can't call my father and wish him a happy birthday. Instead I will just pay homage to him with my top five memories of him.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

1. "You can't push daddy down" One of my father's games with his kids was basically us trying to tackle and knock him over while he was sitting on the carpet. Imagine if you will, about 4 children ranging from ages 3 (me), 6 (my brother) and two twin 9 year old girls running full speed at their father from various angles, trying to knock him over - like a bunch of mini-Philadelphia Eagles trying to tackle a lineman. Each time we failed, he would sing, "You can't push daddy down, you can't push daddy down...". As most of us know, any rhythmic mocking song drives most people under the age of 53 insane with anger. All the kids would be going bonkers in about 5 minutes trying to knock their seated father over, eventually he would have to let us win before we started to use kitchen knives. It was like Sesame Street meets Gymkata after a while.

2. "Villanova acceptance letter" - I was working at Oak Terrace Golf club during the summer of 1989 - I was the bag drop boy (trust me this was a cake job that I made decent money). One day, while I was clearing golf balls from the driving range I see him driving out towards me on a golf cart. My first thought was that something was wrong or that I was in trouble. He said, "You are going to want to read this..." and it was a letter from Villanova University. It was a proud moment for both of us, I worked very hard to get into Villanova and he was very happy for me (before he got the bill from the university). Had I not gotten into Villanova, I would have gone to LaSalle University - I wonder how different my life may have been.

3. "Family Vacations" - We would laugh later in life about his tendancy to be very meticulous about vacations. If we were going to Disney World - he had a plan. Wake up at 7am. Get to the park before it opened. Get to the fun, popular rides first. Do the less popular rides later. Eat lunch at 1300 hours. Go back to hotel and have the kids take a nap. Wash up - go to dinner at 1800. Etc. Looking back, it was a bit much - but we admit now he was very smart about it. It was part of his nature to be as efficient as possible.

4. "Furey Family Vacation" - Dad visited Italy with my sister, brother in-law and my mother. It was a bittersweet story, and I will have to sit and write it. The best part of the story was our trip from Vietre Di Potenza to the Amalfi Coast. My father drove the rental car to Sorrento, with me in the passenger seat as the navigator and my mother in the backseat sleeping. We get to the outskirts of the town, which is situated at the base of large, steep cliffs around the Mediterranean Sea. There is only one road in, and we arrive on a Friday night. The road is absolutely jammed with cars beeping and honking and lots of people yelling in Italian. My father was an aggressive driver and tried to work his way in, and people are beeping at him and shouting in Italian. So what does he do? He rolls down his window, and shouts back. In Fake Italian. Yes, siree. My father, not knowing ANY ITALIAN, decides that he is going to yell back at them in something that SOUNDS LIKE ITALIAN - but it was jibberish! At the time my Italian was much better, and I turned to him after he yelled and said, "What the hell was that?!" He looked at me, smirked/smiled and said "It sounded pretty good, didn't it?". Makes me smile even to type this - its one of those feel good moments that you never forget. We laughed the whole way down to the coastal town.

5. "76ers Games"- When my father was a partner in an accounting firm in Philadelphia, he used to work for the owner of the Philadelphia 76ers. Being a kid, I was oblivious to this and had no real grasp of reality - especially when my father would take my brother and I to 76er games - with FLOOR SEATS. I used to think it was NORMAL to sit on the floor of the game, and see the players from 10 feet away. A few times we were in the box seats of the owner of the 76ers. As a kid, you don't think much of it. I remember driving him crazy because of my insane food requests - I still do it today. Go with me to any sporting event and I turn into a monster - peanuts, pretzels, ice cream, soda...I remember he used to own a Dodge Omni with a hatchback. We would bring our sleeping backs, and sleep in the hatchback on the ride home from the Spectrum to Bucks County. He would always listen to the KYW News Radio 1060, while I stared at the stars from the hatchback.

Its laundry day for me. I hate doing laundry, its one of those things that cut into my "pc gaming time".

But I realized a few things about doing laundry that I wonder if we all share.

Ever notice that you pick favorite amongst clothes? Come on - we all do it. That "special T-shirt" that you really like? Or those socks which "are much better than the rest of the socks because they cling so well"? Or the great pair of jeans that feels wonderful and makes your ass look great?

Then we have the dark side to laundry - the rejects.

You know what i'm sayin. You are nearing the end of the clean laundry cycle - getting to that steel wool underwear and the mismatched pair of linen socks that never stay up. Or you have the "Hennessy's Bar: Yagermeister Party 1996" T-shirt you got from a bar crawl which is the last clean shirt you have in the drawer.

Then, for some unknown reason - rather than throwing out the clothes we hate - they are there at the end of every month looking back at you like, "Hi Furey! Remember me, the J. Crew Flannel Underwear? Hey buddy - come on - wear me! It's 75 degrees outside - everyone loves a sweaty crotch!"

Ew.

Also, what's the deal with the "clean vs dirty" clothes? How long do you wear clothes until they become "unclean"? Like a pair of socks that I may wear all day - ok, at the end of the day I consider them "dirty" and put them in the hamper. But if I put ON the socks that night, and was just lounging at home - I can see using them the next day - its not like I was sweating them up or anything.

The worst is when you are completely out of clothing. Especially underwear. Then its like a game of "Hamper Hijinks" where you have to sort thru the hamper (Oh, we all do it, shut up) and find that "not-so-used" pair of underwear.

I really have to get my laundry done.

I'm fortunate that the coin operated machines are in a communial laundry room where I live - shared by all the renters in my building. I came up with a few rules and observations about these areas:

1. Clothes on top of the machine means "i'm next" (with a 15 minute grace rule). The 15 minute grace rule is the key to this. You can't put your clothes on top of a washing machine and expect to be next an hour later. You snooze, you lose.

2. Put clothes in the dryer? You better be around when its done or they go on top of the drying machine (I think the 15 minute rule applys here also). Sorry - this does mean a stranger will be touching your clean clothing and putting them on top of the not so clean drying machine. You were the fool who didn't time the dryers right when you went back to your apartment to watch the rest of The Greatest American Hero marathon.

3. Remember that trick we learned in college to get free washloads done (if you don't know it - don't ask) with dental floss, tape and quarters? Yea. Um. Stop it. Really. You cheap assholes are gumming up the coin operated dispenser and now I have to bring a hammer with me to slam the quarters into the slot.

4. If the machines break - please tell management. I remember that for 2 weeks the hot cycle and cold cycle were reversed on the washing machine. My roommates kept complaining to me about it (since i'm the Alpha Roommate - the oldest roommate in the house, somehow I become the guy who has to tell the landlord or management about our problems) - I took matters into my own hands and did the really tricky MacGuyver manuver of REVERSING THE HOT AND COLD WATER HOSES. Maybe if someone could have called management this could have been solved sooner - but noooooooo - everyone sits around expecting the magic laundry mechanic to appear and fix it.

5. Respect your communial space. Some people are the worst slobs on the planet - which is fine in your own apartment - but I walk into my communial area and it looked like the Tide Monster, the Wisk Fairy and Snuggles the Fabric Softner Bear just finished a threesome. Various mystery stains of detergent and tufts of dryer linen are strewn all over the room, with the one missing black sock.

While in Villanova, I was in NROTC (Naval Reserve Officer Training Corps). 'Nova, at that time, had the largest NROTC unit in the country with about 225+ midshipmen and midshipwomen. Both my brother in laws were Naval Academy graduates in 1990, one was an officer on a "boomer" (nuclear missile submarine) and the other was an officer on a "Oliver Hazard Perry" class frigate. Both told me about the best qualities of being a naval midshipmen: leadership, responsibility and getting laid like a champ. Come on. With movies like "Officer and a Gentleman" and "Top Gun" on heavy rotation on local cable channels, it was getting naval recruits laid across the country faster than you could say "I got no where else to go!" or "I feel the need. The need for speed." My parents were very supportive also. At first I thought it was because they liked the idea of military training to instill a sense of discipline into their half-feral child. It quickly dawned upon me that the money they would save was probably the real motivating factor. I joined NROTC on a whim, actually. It was my first day of school, and we were walking around the campus and they were handing out flyers. I spoke to some of the midshipmen, and the officers and they were extremely friendly - even the Marine enlisted Gunnery Sergeant was smiling and chatting amiably. I was a fairly easy sell - the only downside is that since I joined late I didn't have a scholarship I would pay my own way for the first 2 years of school and if I made "Advanced Standing" in my junior year I would get a partial scholarship for my final two years. Once I graduated I would be a commissioned officer. In some respects, i'm happy I joined - I instantly had 225+ friends on campus in the unit. On the other hand, what a dreadful way to begin college.

My friends at Hobokeni.com have decided to add me as the first blog for their "Calling All Blogs" category. I'm very flattered, and also noticed that yesterday the number of new visitors increased tremendously (www.statcounter.com). Last Monday I had 37 unique visitors - yesterday this site nearly doubled the number of visitors to 65. Welcome new people!

The people who have visited this site in the past few months were via word of mouth - mostly friends, family and the random person who somehow found this site via Google.

So now I have a bunch of new stangers wondering "WTF is this site?" I figured now was a good time to let the new people know what not to expect from the blog, so to avoid any future problems...

1. This site is not only about Hoboken. I live in Hoboken, but work in New York City. I am from Philadelphia - and love all the sports teams of that city, while hating nearly every New York team with a passion (especially the Yankees). I will write about Philly teams here often, if you don't like it, well that sucks, doesn't it?

2. I rarely proof read anything I write, simply because I don't have the time. You will find run on sentences, grammatical errors and spelling mistakes all over my entries. I try to limit them as best as I can, but I am reminded by certain anal readers about these mistakes.

3. This is a blog, not a serious professional website by any stretch of the imagination. If you are expecting "Gothamist for Hoboken" - i'd love to get to that point someday. Right now its just me, writing about my life. It was mostly inspired by the death of my father, a wonderful man who died before I could get to know him as a friend. My hopes for this website are to express myself through my experiences and words so my family and friends can get to know me.

4. This won't be a site where I disclose everything. I have certain things that I keep away from strangers - like my name of "Furey". I'm sure some of you may say "Hey I know that picture, his name is...." - cool, you know me. Lets keep that off-line for now. I try to not reveal my friends or family last names when I talk about them on this site. If you see something on the site that you object to - email me and I will alter/fix it if necessary. I'm still learning how much I want to reveal about myself and my life - I won't talk about where I work, for example - nor will I talk about work-life.

5. This site isn't about negativity. Lots of people think the internet allows them to spew hate towards people and its ok. If you see something I write and hate it, or have a negative comment - take it somewhere else, not here. I write the blog for those that enjoy it - if you don't enjoy it, leave. There are plenty of other sites out there for you. Hey - join hobokenchat.com and vent all you want over there!

That's about it. Today I am home from work - my first sick day in 6 months. I'm so bent out of shape about being sick - I so rarely get sick after I quit smoking. Tonight i'm going to a new restaurant with some friends in Hoboken for a birthday dinner (Happy Birthday Lisa!).

I hope to write up a mini-review about it and have some pictures from the night posted this week.

I have a lot of these, and my pain is your enjoyment...don't forget about how I lit myself on fire, which is the best story...

1. One day I had a compound bow. My uncle gave it to me, and I used to practice on a target at my house in Gwynedd. One day, I walked across the street (into a very large, empty cornfield) and put the bow setting to the highest level that my 16 year old arms could pull, and notched an arrow. I fired that arrow into the sky at about a 60 degree angle. Dude - that sucker was gone, I think I shot it about half mile away - it went so far that I had no idea where it went, I lost sight of the thing. I ran from the field in fear that I killed someone. I'm sure that one day, after that event, someone was walking in that cornfield and found an arrow stuck in the dirt and was thinking "Where the hell did this come from?"

2. I decided to drive from from Villanova one night to my house in Gwynedd. It was a snowy night, around 3am, but I had a Jeep Wrangler and I was overconfident with my 4-wheel drive. I was taking backroads the whole way home - and I got on one road that was complete ice. So I slowed to about 10 miles per hour and I swear to God I was crawling down the road super safe. Suddenly, my car just started to slowly, slowly spin on the ice at 10 miles per hour. It happened to slow and I tried to turn into the spin and it didn't work. It was like slow-motion. So I kind of gave up - literally - just crossed my arms and said "I'm screwed", adjusted my seatbelt and waited. In about 10 more seconds I drifted across the ice - into a snowbank - and revved my 4-wheel drive out of there. Had another car been coming in the opposite lane I would have been in trouble.

3. Another time i'm driving my dad's covertable european sports-car down the road, not far from my ice experience. It was summer, and there was a flash shower that lasted like 2 minutes. The rain, combined with the oil on the road = super slick conditions. I turned a corner and did a 180 into a pumpkin patch - sliding into the other lane and off the road at about 45 miles an hour. Again, if someone was in the other lane it would have been catastrophic. That wasn't my fault - I wasn't going that fast, and the freaking sportscar is made in Great Britian - aren't those bastards designed for rain?? That sucked. Fortunately there was little damage to the car (I think the tire rim got scraped up), and I just hosed all the mud off it when I got home. My parents never found out. Except right now as my mother reads this. Oh God.

4. One time I won a 3-point competition when I was 14, they had it during the halftime of my brother's basketball games. I was on fire that day, I just was hitting some great stuff. So they had another one where I was called out to try again...it was like my arms were laughing at me. I must have bricked it 5 times. Plus, my brother's friend, who worked on the yearbook was taking pictures that day and got me, in all my glory, into my brother's yearbook missing those shots with the tag like "Not Even Close". Nothing like destroying the fragile ego of youth.

5. I went to Killington with my high school club, and was snowboarding for a year. I go on the "FIS" ("Fuckin' Insane" run at Killington), and try to do the moguls. It was like the Hindenberg. Oh the humanity! My gloves, goggles, scarf, hat, board and nearly pants all went flying off my body. The first comment, from the chairlift right next to the slope, was "YARDSALE!" - of course making fun of the fact my clothing was spread all over the slope. The next comment, as I slid down the slope, head first, was "SUPERMAN!" because I looked like Superman would be - flying down the hill headfirst. Then, I had to walk BACK uphill, collect my clothing and dodge skiiers who were laughing at me. That was fun.

5. Dungeons & Dragons Club. Yep. Must I go into details here? Photo evidence also exists.

Bonus addition:

My Prom That Never Was

When I first met John, my immediate thought was that I liked him.

He had a bookish quality about him, wearing his round glasses and his frumpled brown wavy hair - he had a disposition about him which said, to me, "scientist". Later, i'd make that "mad scientist".

He was new to Hoboken, telling me that he didn't know anyone in town and was looking for something new. Since I had been in town for a few years at that point, I figured I could introduce him into my "social circle" of friends, barflies and neighborhood store owners. I could take the "new guy" under my wing, and maybe he would get bitten by the same bug that bit me in Hoboken.

My impression with John must have been on target, he lived with me for 3 years after that initial first meeting. I advertised with Hobokeni.com, in their "looking for roommate" section - and it has always come thru in the clutch.

John had an easy going nature about him, sort of a California kid kind of attitude. Of course it may have helped with his, um, use of "natural suppliments" which also gave him a very LAID back attitude, plus certain hunger issues. Of course since he was a cooking whiz - which was well reknown at our BBQ parties each summer - he was very often cooking something great in the kitchen every night.

Aside from his temperment, John was also selfless in his way with helping other roommates. I wrote a bit before about roommates, and John simply was a pleasure to live with, well, most of the time.

His only downfall, which he and I laugh about now is his "infamous relationship" with another roommate. That is another story for another day.

I feel somewhat bad for John, only because of his reason for leaving. His father has the same form of cancer that my father had, its very rare and I couldn't fathom the odds that both of our fathers were stricken with the same exact type of cancer - I think about 5,000 people worldwide get this form of cancer, its a type of Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma - the name escapes me for now.

To assist his father with his disease, John decided to move back with his parents and help his father with his business and personal life. How much more noble of a cause could that be?

As a final farewell, here is the Top 5 Memories of John:

1. Showing up at my fathers viewing, I was very much surprised and thought it showed a tremendous amount of kindness. It's easy to be someone's friend during the good times, and you get to know who your real friends are during the hard ones.

2. The one day he decided to take his Jeep, with me in shotgun, off roading near where the 7th street light rail station was being built - and driving ON TO the train tracks. His implusive nature was funny sometimes - except when you think you could die.

3. Going to his rock climbing gym and realizing how woefully out of shape I was, even after working out for 4 months. I never realized how strong John was until I watched him scale a wall using only his hands. John doesn't appear to be very strong, but that is very deceptive.

4. John's amazing BBQ skills which changed a simple get together into something so special that friends would stop me on the street and say, "Hey, when is the next BBQ?". Funny part was that John was Mr. Pita - just about EVERY night for dinner he would fix himself some kind of pita snack and I would come home and ask "Ok, what kind of pita are you making tonight?". It was like living with Bubba from "Forrest Gump" - except he was a pita freak. Pita soup, Pita pasta, Pita with shrimp, Pita with tofu, Pita burger, Pita taco, Pita fish, Pita chicken...

5. Sitting back on the steps to our townhouse, smoking a cigarette together and just chatting aimlessly for a long time on a soft, mellow summer night. You can't buy those kind of memories, they exist in your soul like a gentle reminder of how beautiful life can be.

Thanks for the memories, John. I hope your father gets well soon.

I'm sure a lot of you like the Mom & Pop stores that are along Washington St., but how often do you REALLY shop at these stores?

If you are like me, you shop at a store because of good prices or good quality.

I see these cute boutique clothing stores on Washington - with extremely inflated prices for the most simple of garments. Or there are a restaurants in town - yet they are just as expensive as New York City, but they aren't on the same level as NYC restaurants (quality, service and atmosphere).

Here are my current Top 5 for Hoboken. Remember, these are just *my* wants and needs that i'd love to see in town, and i'm sure everyone has a different opinion - feel free to leave your comments.

FYI, I had to make people register now to comment on the site after some dork came along and put a bunch of advertisements on my site for online casinos.

1. Mid to Upscale Chain Clothing Store - You may be thinking "Wait - didn't you just write that you didn't like the expensive clothing stores?" - That is true. I did write that. But, i'd much rather have a J. Crew, Banana Republic or even Gap in town. From what I was told, there are certain requirements for a store like these to open in town - parking being a chief concern. If there was a J. Crew in town, I know i'd be there all the time. Sorry - i'm a very lazy clothes shopper. I like good quality clothes, and don't shop around for cheap clothes. I also may work in NYC - but I don't like to really shop in NYC - i'd rather be able to hit these places on the way home from work or on the weekends. Taking the PATH, into the city, on a Saturday? No, thanks. I'm waking up, oh, around 1pm and nursing a hangover on most Saturdays - if I want to do any shopping it better be within a 10 minute walk of my apartment.

2. High End Steakhouse - I can't believe that Arthur's does so much business. After eating there I feel like I just did a keg stand on a grease vat. I think that Peter Lugers or MarkJoseph or Morton's or Smith & Wollensky would clean up if they had a steakhouse on Washington. I'm sure some of you think that Frankie & Johnnie's is a steakhouse - they aren't. Yes, they sell steaks. Congratulations, here is your pin & membership card to the "Captain Obvious Club". No, we need, nay - demand - a steakhouse. Not a restaurant that serves steak, along with other dishes - just aged steak.

3. Coffeehouse - I like Starbucks, but its too bright and commericial for a real coffeehouse. You want to order your coffee and escape as soon as you can. I'm talking about a large, dark coffeehouse with chairs, ottomans and couches that won't accept anyone with a stroller or child under 12. It would be nice to have a place to relax on a Friday night with friends that doesn't involve alcohol. Sadly, the exorbant rents on Washington St. would doom such an idea, but I would imagine there has to be some place to build this. Also a secondary idea would be a combination coffeeshop / bar. Think like Panera meets Trinity and their bastard love child is the coffeeshop.

4. A Real Sportsbar - No, this isn't a pub that has TVs which show crappy ESPN Sportscenter over and over. No, we are talking a real deal sports for by men for men. Pool tables, foosball, that electronic basketball game like 8th Street Tavern, beer pong, air hockey, bubble hockey, PS2 competitions. This should be like a male grown up version of an arcade meets a sportsbar. No kiddies allowed under the age of 21. Make it a mecca to all sports, from all cities - not just NYC/NJ. This place should be the combination of: Dave & Buster's meets Hooters and Mandalay Bay's sports area from Las Vegas. Get reclining chairs that let guys lounge all day in front of huge plasma screen TVs - as long as they keep drinking & paying. Also get well endowed women to serve them all day, and you have a bit hit on your hands. Rumor has it from "Joe C." is that some prominent sports stars are already doing pre-production for a sports bar in town. They should get a consultant like me to help, I think.

5. Kick-Ass Cheesesteak Place - Jake's you fucked it up. I had faith in you when you said that you were going to listen to the customers. You didn't listen to me and now what - you are about as popular as a pimple-faced Stevens kid in Dipper's. Its not that hard, people. A few key things are needed: Rib-Eye Steak NOT Sirlion. Yes, Sirloin is the "better" meat but Rib-Eye is fatty & flavorful. Amoroso's bread not some "super secret bread we found in Holmdel" - whoppity doo! I liked the bread, but not on a cheesesteak. Normal onions - NOT carmelized onions. What the hell are you doin?? Seriously folks, if I had about 2 million to burn and wanted to clean up in this town - i'd make a die hard cheesesteak place that would blow the doors off anything this town has seen. This would be my gameplan: Step 1, go to Jim's on South Street and apply to work as a chef. Learn how its done. Step 2 - go to Hoboken, get into a partnership with a pub that has a kitchen like Farside, Dipper's, etc. Step 3 - make steaks EXACTLY the way it should be made that any child under the age of 8 from Philadelphia can tell you how it should be made. Step 4 - Buy a rake for all the money i'd be making.

Honorable Fast Food Mentions:

a. Taco Bell - a REAL full Taco Bell not crappy Taco Bell Express.
b. Pizza Hut - Bennie's isn't that good, i'm sorry.
c. In N Out Burger - if you don't know about In N Out, you aren't alone, its a West Coast thing.
d. Atomic Wings - they are located in Down The Hatch and other bars in NYC - awesome wings, I don't understand why a good wing joint hasn't opened up in Hoboken.

1. I met Melanie Silcott from The Real World: Philadelphia. Again, my life can be very random - my friend, Matt, has a sweet and friendly girlfriend named Tram-Anh (Tre), who is friends with Melanie. They met in Philadelphia, while Melanie was taping the Real World. Matt's 30th birthday party was in Philly last Saturday night at Mint. Melanie was there, and she was very nice to everyone. I really didn't want