Top 5: November 2004 Archives

Sure, I could have done "love" but isn't hating much more fun?

1. "The Inland Empire" -
Many of you may not know, but the residents of the area of Southern California, away from the coast, refers to themselves as "The Inland Empire". They have a magazine, its on craigslist, http://inlandempire.craigslist.org/, and even watching the news weather they say, "On the coast it will be 67 degrees and the Inland Empire will be 64...". What the hell? Inland Empire? "Hello? Insecurity: Line 1. Its Southern California calling."

2. Disneyland - I was there for 6 hours and got to see 6 attractions. It cost $60 to get in per person (It was very nice of my sister and brother-in-law to pay for the entry fee), lunch was ridiculous, and the lines were enormous. By the end of the day I wanted to get a Valium drip. On a side note, I wanted to rename Disneyland into "The Pedophile Kingdom" because of all the 15 year old girls who were dressed up like they were 18. It was ridiculous. I know i'm sounding old when I say this - but what the fuck happened to kids in the last 10 years? I want to say more, but I don't want to get sued by lawyers from Disney. After seeing what I saw that day I hope that when I have children they are all boys.

This was meant for Monday, but I was busy!!

After Halloween all the new holiday commercials start. Is it me or is every other commercial a diamond commercial?

Kay Jewelers has: "Every kiss begins with Kay!"
or
DeBeers advertises: "Diamonds are forever."
or
Zales "The Diamond Store" exclaims: "Buy a Zales diamonds and you will get laid."

Fine. Zales doesn't REALLY advertise that, but come on isn't that what all these commercials are really saying? They are simply eluding to what the rest of our shallow and materialistic country already knows - you don't express love through actions but on how many gifts you shower your special other with.

With that in mind, these would be the commercials that I would promote for the next series of diamonds ads that we are getting slammed with ad nauseum during the holiday season.

I love reading personal ads, and critique them here. Most people need to be a bit more creative on personal ads, and get the attention of the readers as soon as they can. Here are the top 5 mistakes in personal ads written by women FOR men:

1. Men stopped mentally maturing at 16 years old. Oh, i'm sure some guys put up a strong front, but deep down they are all children. When writing, key in on those things that you think a 16 year old guy wants. Common mistakes & fixes:

Here are my top 5 things I hate about the PATH:

1. What's up with the 1960 decor? The Hoboken PATH station is very much in need of a makeover. It looks like something from Better Homes & Gardens: Bosnia. Can we get more concerete and pale flourescent lighting in there, please? The trains are older than me. I also love how it seems the pillars have about 46 coats of paint on them.

2. People who wait on the other side of the tracks should be beaten with rubber hoses. You know who you are. You are the people who wait on the side of the PATH train when it rolls into the station - the side where the doors open first to let the passengers off - so you can scurry inside the train and get a seat. This needs to be outlawed for two reasons.