Top 5: April 2005 Archives

Top 5 Rules To Communial Laundry

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Its laundry day for me. I hate doing laundry, its one of those things that cut into my "pc gaming time".

But I realized a few things about doing laundry that I wonder if we all share.

Ever notice that you pick favorite amongst clothes? Come on - we all do it. That "special T-shirt" that you really like? Or those socks which "are much better than the rest of the socks because they cling so well"? Or the great pair of jeans that feels wonderful and makes your ass look great?

Then we have the dark side to laundry - the rejects.

You know what i'm sayin. You are nearing the end of the clean laundry cycle - getting to that steel wool underwear and the mismatched pair of linen socks that never stay up. Or you have the "Hennessy's Bar: Yagermeister Party 1996" T-shirt you got from a bar crawl which is the last clean shirt you have in the drawer.

Then, for some unknown reason - rather than throwing out the clothes we hate - they are there at the end of every month looking back at you like, "Hi Furey! Remember me, the J. Crew Flannel Underwear? Hey buddy - come on - wear me! It's 75 degrees outside - everyone loves a sweaty crotch!"

Ew.

Also, what's the deal with the "clean vs dirty" clothes? How long do you wear clothes until they become "unclean"? Like a pair of socks that I may wear all day - ok, at the end of the day I consider them "dirty" and put them in the hamper. But if I put ON the socks that night, and was just lounging at home - I can see using them the next day - its not like I was sweating them up or anything.

The worst is when you are completely out of clothing. Especially underwear. Then its like a game of "Hamper Hijinks" where you have to sort thru the hamper (Oh, we all do it, shut up) and find that "not-so-used" pair of underwear.

I really have to get my laundry done.

I'm fortunate that the coin operated machines are in a communial laundry room where I live - shared by all the renters in my building. I came up with a few rules and observations about these areas:

1. Clothes on top of the machine means "i'm next" (with a 15 minute grace rule). The 15 minute grace rule is the key to this. You can't put your clothes on top of a washing machine and expect to be next an hour later. You snooze, you lose.

2. Put clothes in the dryer? You better be around when its done or they go on top of the drying machine (I think the 15 minute rule applys here also). Sorry - this does mean a stranger will be touching your clean clothing and putting them on top of the not so clean drying machine. You were the fool who didn't time the dryers right when you went back to your apartment to watch the rest of The Greatest American Hero marathon.

3. Remember that trick we learned in college to get free washloads done (if you don't know it - don't ask) with dental floss, tape and quarters? Yea. Um. Stop it. Really. You cheap assholes are gumming up the coin operated dispenser and now I have to bring a hammer with me to slam the quarters into the slot.

4. If the machines break - please tell management. I remember that for 2 weeks the hot cycle and cold cycle were reversed on the washing machine. My roommates kept complaining to me about it (since i'm the Alpha Roommate - the oldest roommate in the house, somehow I become the guy who has to tell the landlord or management about our problems) - I took matters into my own hands and did the really tricky MacGuyver manuver of REVERSING THE HOT AND COLD WATER HOSES. Maybe if someone could have called management this could have been solved sooner - but noooooooo - everyone sits around expecting the magic laundry mechanic to appear and fix it.

5. Respect your communial space. Some people are the worst slobs on the planet - which is fine in your own apartment - but I walk into my communial area and it looked like the Tide Monster, the Wisk Fairy and Snuggles the Fabric Softner Bear just finished a threesome. Various mystery stains of detergent and tufts of dryer linen are strewn all over the room, with the one missing black sock.

Top 5 Things I Learned From NROTC

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While in Villanova, I was in NROTC (Naval Reserve Officer Training Corps). 'Nova, at that time, had the largest NROTC unit in the country with about 225+ midshipmen and midshipwomen. Both my brother in laws were Naval Academy graduates in 1990, one was an officer on a "boomer" (nuclear missile submarine) and the other was an officer on a "Oliver Hazard Perry" class frigate. Both told me about the best qualities of being a naval midshipmen: leadership, responsibility and getting laid like a champ. Come on. With movies like "Officer and a Gentleman" and "Top Gun" on heavy rotation on local cable channels, it was getting naval recruits laid across the country faster than you could say "I got no where else to go!" or "I feel the need. The need for speed." My parents were very supportive also. At first I thought it was because they liked the idea of military training to instill a sense of discipline into their half-feral child. It quickly dawned upon me that the money they would save was probably the real motivating factor. I joined NROTC on a whim, actually. It was my first day of school, and we were walking around the campus and they were handing out flyers. I spoke to some of the midshipmen, and the officers and they were extremely friendly - even the Marine enlisted Gunnery Sergeant was smiling and chatting amiably. I was a fairly easy sell - the only downside is that since I joined late I didn't have a scholarship I would pay my own way for the first 2 years of school and if I made "Advanced Standing" in my junior year I would get a partial scholarship for my final two years. Once I graduated I would be a commissioned officer. In some respects, i'm happy I joined - I instantly had 225+ friends on campus in the unit. On the other hand, what a dreadful way to begin college.

About this Archive

This page is a archive of entries in the Top 5 category from April 2005.

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