Top 5: October 2012 Archives

Hi! Welcome to Hoboken!

Isn't this city so much better than {enter your previous city here}??

I know you are just getting settled, and might have just gotten out to explore the world, we need to have a little talk about Hoboken. Now....this isn't Disneyland. This isn't the suburbs. This isn't Harlem, either - but its sort of like Harlem meets the suburbs. Hoboken! So, with that said we need to go over a few key things to remember now that you live here:

1. Drink, eat, have fun - but shut the fuck up. You listen here. If you have a party in your condo or apartment or brownstone it's cool. Invite your friends over. Then when the party is going on if you can stand outside your street or neighbor's door and hear you nimrods playing your shitty music - It's. Too. Fucking. Loud. This also includes walking down the sidewalk anytime after 11pm. Shut the fuck up.

2. You have a baby? CONGRATS! We seriously need to talk about a whole subset of rules here.

a. Babies and children should not be in bars. That includes beer gardens. I don't give a shit what they do in Europe - you aren't European, you are an entitled asshole who thinks its cool to have a baby in a bar. Yes, I know you are the "cool parent who has a great kid that don't bother ANYONE!" - get a babysitter if you want to come to the bars. You are fucking it up for the rest of us who go to bars to get fucked up and get laid.
b. You are in the way with your stroller. Lets repeat that. YOU ARE IN THE WAY. YOU ARE. YOU. (pointing a finger at the screen)
c. If you bring your kid to a restaurant in Hoboken, that doesn't mean they can act like it's fucking Chuck-E-Cheese. You got a kid screaming at the top of their lungs - go outside. You got a kid who wants to run circles around the table, grow a sack and be a father or a mother and tell them to stop. Jesus Christ.

3. If you own a car, don't leave anything important in it. This includes GPS. See, what happens is at 3am a dude walks by your car, smashes the back window in and steals your stuff. That includes a backpack full of gym clothes - because to the thief he just sees a backpack that could be full of expensive things, not sweaty gym clothes.

4. Lets say you decide to unload your car from that great vacation you took. Or, maybe you are new to town and are moving into your new condo. Do not. Repeat: DO NOT leave your things unattended. Or this will happen.

5. If you aren't following local politics you are seriously missing out on the best Reality Show there is. You can watch Kardashians or Big Brother or The Amazing Race or whatever - but as my friend Billy said, "It's the best free theater in town". I would highly suggest reading "Hoboken Horse" before reading any other biased site in Hoboken. Yes, he's pro-Zimmer. But I find it tedious to read other blogs that aren't telling the whole story. Roman Brice is many things but at least he's one of the few people in this town trying to tell the truth, and you have the "Old Guard" of Hoboken (those who want things to go back to the old ways of back door deals and corruption) who doesn't like this very much. He's got a lot of heat on him from people who want him to shut up. Read his site. Get to know who the local council people are. Get involved - and VOTE. We have a town of 50,000 people (34,000 are registered voters) and only 12,000 of them voted in the last mayoral election! 35%. Think about that. You had about 22 THOUSAND people who didn't vote in our town. That's absurd.

Well that's all I got. Sorry I haven't been posting much lately, but I figured this one would be part humor and part "get out the vote".

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About this Archive

This page is a archive of entries in the Top 5 category from October 2012.

Top 5: May 2012 is the previous archive.

Top 5: July 2013 is the next archive.

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